home
a-z of conditions
forums
news
about us
See all conditions
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
Forum
Resources & Information
Subject index
Credits
Full list of topics
Reasons for admission :
Emergency admissions
Planned admissions
In the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) :
Seeing the patient in ICU for the first time
Suspending normal routines: visiting ICU every day
Uncertainty
Emotional impact on relatives & friends in ICU
Impact on children
Telling others
Relationships within and between families
Receiving information and news from doctors
Sources of information in ICU
Nursing care
Keeping a diary
Sources of support in ICU
At the bedside:
Waiting for news
Signs of improvement and progress
The relatives' room and overnight accommodation:
The relatives' room
Overnight accommodation
When someone dies :
End of life decisions
Death and bereavement:
When someone dies
Funerals
Coping with bereavement
On a general ward :
The ward environment and nursing care
Hospital discharge and rehabilitation
Life after leaving the hospital :
Supporting and caring for the ill person at home
Impact on work and finances
Attitudes to life after the hospital experience
Messages to others
Emotional impact on relatives and carers
Emotional impact on family and friends
Adjusting to a changed life
Support and information
Support and information
Lack of support and information
Search the whole site
Search in this condition
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
Subject index
Topic
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Waiting for news
>>
Waiting for news
Waiting for news
Clip
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 28
>>
Focus on the patient and the moment in hand because things can change very quickly.
Her daughter was admitted to a ward and her son-in-law to ICU after they had a car accident. She stayed in their home so she could visit.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 03
>>
On the long journey to the hospital she just wanted her son to be alive, but didn't know how serious the accident had been or if she'd have to stay ov
In 2004 her 17-year-old son was a passenger in a car that was involved in a serious accident. He spent 17 days in ICU.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 35
>>
She felt very alone in hospital as she tried to get medical staff to treat her mother's pain, and then had to wait several hours while they tried to f
Her mother was admitted to ICU because of gallstones and other complications. She visited her every day, often with her two young daughters, and kept a diary.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 07
>>
She and her husband were desperate for news of their son's illness, and waited anxiously at the hospital all day to learn that he had meningitis.
Their son was admitted to ICU in 2005 with bacterial meningitis. It was a traumatic time but he is now back home and has made excellent progress.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 10
>>
She found waiting to be let into ICU stressful, especially when her partner was first admitted, and felt his parents probably ended up waiting longer
In 2006 her partner was diagnosed with Weil's disease, a rare bacterial infection. She stayed at the hospital for five nights and then in a nearby hotel.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 35
>>
At the time she desperately wanted to know if her mother would survive but doctors couldn't tell her because they didn't know themselves.
Her mother was admitted to ICU because of gallstones and other complications. She visited her every day, often with her two young daughters, and kept a diary.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 04
>>
In the early stages no one could give her information or hope on whether her son would be brain damaged after his accident.
In October 2004, her son had a motorbike accident and was admitted to ICU. He had a serious head injury and broken jaw.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 61-70
>>
Interview 14
>>
Her husband's leg amputation was his only hope for survival but he might still have died during the operation.
She has cared for her husband full-time since he had a heart attack and life threatening infection that meant he had to have his leg amputated.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 22
>>
He was shocked when told his wife could die if she didn't have surgery and that, even after having the operation, there was still a possibility she co
His wife had emergency surgery to remove a kidney. He found it difficult to discuss his feelings but received comfort from sitting alone in the hospital chapel.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 18
>>
After saying her goodbyes to her friend, all she could do was wait until after the operation for further news.
Her best friend spent two weeks in ICU. She was the closest person to her, visited her daily and is now her main carer.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 19
>>
Doctors couldn't say for sure whether her brother would ever be himself again, and she was told that recovery from head injuries was often long and un
Her brother had an accident while cleaning his motorbike. He had severe head injuries and spent almost four weeks in ICU, where she visited him daily.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 07
>>
They were devastated about the possibility that their son's life support machine could be switched off and felt it was too soon to make such decisions
Their son was admitted to ICU in 2005 with bacterial meningitis. It was a traumatic time but he is now back home and has made excellent progress.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 04
>>
As a nurse and mother she refused to believe doctors who were telling her that her son would be permanently brain damaged.
In October 2004, her son had a motorbike accident and was admitted to ICU. He had a serious head injury and broken jaw.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 22
>>
He worried about losing his wife and coping without her because he relied on her so much.
His wife had emergency surgery to remove a kidney. He found it difficult to discuss his feelings but received comfort from sitting alone in the hospital chapel.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 17
>>
She wanted her husband to be able to breath by himself but it was difficult to focus only on this because other things kept going wrong.
Her husband was admitted to ICU because of a brain aneurysm. She spent eight weeks visiting him in two different hospitals, sometimes staying overnight.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 70 +
>>
Interview 26
>>
Her sister-in-law got better and worse so many times she felt embarrassed giving updates to others, though people were very understanding.
In 2006 her sister-in-law sadly died in ICU after having an accident in her car. She visited her daily and took care of all the practical matters.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 36
>>
He wanted to know why his father had got so ill so quickly, and tried to reassure his mother without giving her false hopes.
His father went to ICU after having a stroke and developing pneumonia. Members of the family supported one another and he is now closer to his sister.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 07
>>
They watched the monitors and treatments being given to their son in the hope they'd gain some information about his survival.
Their son was admitted to ICU in 2005 with bacterial meningitis. It was a traumatic time but he is now back home and has made excellent progress.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 70 +
>>
Interview 25
>>
He waited at his wife's bedside until the early hours of the morning but no one at that time could tell him whether she would survive.
In 2006 his 79-year-old wife was admitted to intensive care. Their daughter was their main support and they are now moving to live near her.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 61-70
>>
Interview 14
>>
When she talked to her husband about their grandchildren, she noticed tears rolling down his cheeks.
She has cared for her husband full-time since he had a heart attack and life threatening infection that meant he had to have his leg amputated.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 61-70
>>
Interview 37
>>
His grandchildren recorded messages for their grandmother and, when she heard them, the monitor readings changed even though she was unconscious.
His wife spent 49 days in ICU because of severe lung problems. After her illness, he became involved in helping improve services for ICU patients.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 23
>>
He tried not to watch the monitors too much and, instead, focussed on being positive and on all the things he and his partner enjoyed doing together.
In 2006 his partner spent four weeks in ICU because of pneumonia. He visited her every day, sharing the visiting with his partner's parents.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 18
>>
She took in her friend's toiletries, massaged cream into her hands and feet, and sat watching her progress for several weeks.
Her best friend spent two weeks in ICU. She was the closest person to her, visited her daily and is now her main carer.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 22
>>
If he wasn't at his wife's bedside talking to her, a nurse was talking to her instead, and he was moved to see such good care.
His wife had emergency surgery to remove a kidney. He found it difficult to discuss his feelings but received comfort from sitting alone in the hospital chapel.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 61-70
>>
Interview 27
>>
Although doctors thought her husband wouldn't be able to do much for himself any more, he gradually started recognising people and responding to conve
Her husband had cardiac arrest and was admitted to ICU. She is his full-time carer and worries about leaving him on his own because of his memory.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 28
>>
Her son-in-law was extremely confused when he came round, had a poor memory for quite a while afterwards but did gradually improve.
Her daughter was admitted to a ward and her son-in-law to ICU after they had a car accident. She stayed in their home so she could visit.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 10
>>
She tried not to think about what might happen in the future though, when it all became too much, the nurses were a fantastic support.
In 2006 her partner was diagnosed with Weil's disease, a rare bacterial infection. She stayed at the hospital for five nights and then in a nearby hotel.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 19
>>
At the hospital she focussed on her brother's illness and on supporting his children. But, at home, when she could step back and think about what had
Her brother had an accident while cleaning his motorbike. He had severe head injuries and spent almost four weeks in ICU, where she visited him daily.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 04
>>
Other people's everyday concerns felt minor and trivial compared to her own anxieties about her son's accident.
In October 2004, her son had a motorbike accident and was admitted to ICU. He had a serious head injury and broken jaw.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 36
>>
Although he supported everyone else and didn't show his feelings, he also had sleepless nights worrying about his dad's illness.
His father went to ICU after having a stroke and developing pneumonia. Members of the family supported one another and he is now closer to his sister.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 15
>>
She felt that the men in her family found it harder to see her husband so ill, maybe because he had always been so outgoing.
Her husband was admitted to ICU because of an emergency heart problem, which was never diagnosed. She praised the care and professionalism of the ICU staff.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 17
>>
Her life was so focussed on the hospital she hardly slept, worried every time the phone rang, and felt anxious and irritable.
Her husband was admitted to ICU because of a brain aneurysm. She spent eight weeks visiting him in two different hospitals, sometimes staying overnight.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 33
>>
From the time her husband was admitted to ICU to the time he came back home, she'd run the whole gamut of emotions.
Her husband was admitted to ICU after having emergency surgery. It was particularly difficult looking after other family members as well as visiting her husband.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 41-50
>>
Interview 03
>>
At the beginning there was very little change in her son's condition and sending updates was difficult because people often misinterpreted a slight ch
In 2004 her 17-year-old son was a passenger in a car that was involved in a serious accident. He spent 17 days in ICU.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 19
>>
She didn't want to repeat herself over and over again or talk about her brother's illness with friends after spending all day in ICU.
Her brother had an accident while cleaning his motorbike. He had severe head injuries and spent almost four weeks in ICU, where she visited him daily.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 51-60
>>
Interview 32
>>
She kept a diary for twenty years and wrote especially during times of stress, but her husband hadn't wanted to read about his time in ICU.
His husband was admitted to ICU before and after a kidney pancreas transplant. She spent three weeks travelling to the hospital as well as working.
Intensive care
>>
Intensive care: experiences of family & friends
>>
Aged 31-40
>>
Interview 23
>>
He'd never written letters to his partner before but, when she was in ICU, he felt moved to write them and later gave them to her.
In 2006 his partner spent four weeks in ICU because of pneumonia. He visited her every day, sharing the visiting with his partner's parents.
Mail to a friend