We were getting near Christmas, we were into December. So it felt right to bring him home. But we had had a few times where because he was probably confused, he was quite angry at times.
I was worried that I was going to be quite vulnerable at home and I talked about that with the occupational therapist and he really took the concerns on board. And I said, “Very often you don't see it.” It would be when we were back in the room I'd say something and he would turn on me and be quite nasty to the point where I actually felt very, very vulnerable.
And the same with the occupational therapist. Although he [son] started to resent her, like there was one day where he was up in bed and I said, “She's here.” “I'm not coming down.” And I used that session for me to vent how I felt. I was having real trouble. He was becoming horrible, really. Really hard to live with. I mean there are times where, I hate to say it but you almost think, “If only…” [laughs]. And that is terrible, but there were times. You know, I thought, “My life would have been a darn sight easier if it had gone the other way.” Which is the most awful thought. But I could talk to her and I also felt I had to, I had to let someone outside the family know that there were problems. You know, there we were, all, “Oh, it's lovely to see him getting on and so well. Oh, isn't he doing well?” And part of you felt like crying sometimes, saying, “Well actually he's a nightmare.”
You know, really hard to live with. And there were times when the other two [children] were frightened of him. You know, he was very, can be quite big physically and so, but that having that outside, and at times he said, “I don't want to see her anymore.” And I thought, “I can't lose that link. I have got to have someone from outside coming in who almost can protect me. |
