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Intensive care: experiences of family & friendsArrow
Aged 41-50
Interview 33  

Interview 33

Age at Interview: 42
Sex: Female
Background: Pharmacist, married, no children. Ethnic background/nationality: White British.
Brief outline:Her husband was admitted to ICU after having emergency surgery. It was particularly difficult looking after other family members as well as visiting her husband.

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Female
She saw a counsellor a month after her husband came back from hospital when feelings from the time he was ill came up again and upset her.

 



The thing that sort of - the straw that broke the camel's back kind of, I had been on the phone to his Mum and she has this annoying habit of questioning everything you say, which is one thing, and I kind of thought well if she would shut up and listen she wouldn't need to keep asking. Which was… it just triggered a chain of emotions and things and I just went into free fall really. I just burst into tears and I was angry and I was upset and I was finding it difficult to talk to [my husband] about that because it is his Mum. And his Dad died a few years ago and he is very fond of his Mum. That sort of thing. 

So he sort of tried to do his best to help. I actually asked him to go and get a friend of mine to come round and I sort of sat and chatted with her for a bit. She sat on the kitchen floor which is where I had ended up by then because my legs went. I was so overcome and we talked for about an hour I suppose, just sitting on the kitchen floor, and sort of everything spilled out. And I knew sooner or later that this was going to happen. But it was good to get off my chest in some ways. And I had used the company counselling service before when I had some emotional problem and I knew they were there and I thought this would be a good time to talk to somebody out of the loop. 

And you found the counselling helpful. Did you just have one session or you went back for more? 

I just had one session and it was just to sort of thrash everything out and sort of go over what had happened and just to be reassured that my reactions were normal really and they were able to do that for me so… I did feel better after that. 

About a month after [my husband] came home, I had a, it really hit me one day. We had tears and I just really got upset and my really good friend and neighbour came in and helped me and talked me through it and things at the time. And the company I work for also has a Welfare Scheme that has a company counsellor and I spoke to them. Really because I needed to speak to somebody outside the loop. And they were very reassuring in fact that what I was going through, I seemed perfectly normal, and the counsellor found that [my husband's] brother's attitude was somewhat out of order as well. In fact he said, “I am embarrassed for him” [laughs]. So I didn't feel so bad then. Still haven't seen [my husband's] brother since then, although [my husband] has. We all went up to his Mum's and we are due to go up there this following weekend because [my husband's] Mum's birthday and [my husband's] birthday are within a week of each other and I have to say I have still got a great feeling of being unsure about how I am going to handle the situation. I still find it difficult but not as bad and I think it is a case really just of time being a healer and letting things go.
Jonathan Miller - Intensive care
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