I asked them if it was life threatening, which is the first thing you actually want to know because when they're building up to telling you whether it is or it isn't, you're not listening to that. First of all you want to know. And they're completely honest and they said, “Yes, it's life-threatening and you need to call his parents.” And so then you think, “Oh okay”. And then you want to say, 'Well, when won't it be like life-threatening and… you know, they said, “The next forty eight hours is critical”. But actually the whole time you're in ITU, it's critical because they're unconscious the whole time and he was there was thirteen days. But you get used to that And then you don't ask anymore.
And they explain to you that you have to do it… well I decided you have to do it day by day. You can't ever ask what the future might be because you can't cope with it. And I think if you can grab that and they do try to explain it to you. And they're quite pessimistic which… because I think they think people otherwise just ignore it and they don't get it. But if you can stop thinking right well this is a… you know, it's fine you can do it. It's just your new way of life and that's how it has to be. It's the only way you can get through it.
You think that you're on your own, you know, you're wandering around phoning everybody for the first time. You think, 'I am completely on my own.' And then people start to arrive and it's not so bad. I had other difficult circumstances to deal with which other people wouldn't have. So there are all sorts of extra stress going on. But I didn't think beyond the day. And the days that I did, I did have a couple of times when I was upset when I was in the ward, with him, then I would leave in case he could hear. And one night, the nurses I think probably spent longer with me than they did with him. And they were fantastic. And you stop feeling embarrassed about looking awful and crying in public really [laughs]. It just isn't an issue. You're frightened. You're absolutely terrified that they're not going to live, that's really your thought, you know, if you let yourself think it. |
