Interview 13  

Interview 13

Age at Interview: 69
Sex: Male
Age at Diagnosis: 39
Background: A retired 69 year old male who has suffered bipolar disorder since young adulthood, and severe bouts of depression requiring hospitalisation.

Brief outline:Has only recent seen himself as getting better, being helped by therapy (eg. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Gestalt), a clairvoyant therapist/doctor, the learning of meditation techniques, and medication (Effexor 75mg, Lithium (400mg/day).


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Was restless in hospital, and remembers that he felt such self-hatred that he feared he would contaminate others, or that they could tell how horrible he was.

 



And I was also very restless at one time in the hospital I'm…..I later found that I was…I'd been diagnosed as manic depressive, and that was a bit of a surprise to me. But I can remember being so restless [papers rustle] during my stay in hospital that I couldn't sit down, I wouldn't sit down for a meal. I would just have it on the hoof sort of thing. I wouldn't sit beside anyone to talk to them, I can remember that.  

And that may have been part of the manic thing, I don't know, but it was partly because I felt I was such a horrible person that I would contaminate anybody somehow by sitting, even sitting beside them, they would somehow be able to tell how awful I was if I sat beside them. 

So it was something to do with that sort of feeling of self-hatred and it was so painful. I had a feeling if they did talk to me, they'd only be doing it because they were sorry for me, I was absolutely convinced. So that, that period in hospital was, it was like being in hell.

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