First and most importantly, you are not a FAILURE, although it is very common for those of us with depression to feel that way. It is difficult to find a Dr who is understanding, supportive and right for you but it is definitely worth finding the right one for you. If you check on the internet you will find some good leads in finding the right people to provide you with good support so you will not feel anxious about discussing what you are going through. You are not alone in any of your feelings or behaviours including telling a healthcare professional about what you are going through and how you are feeling. I have gone through the same thing and have finally found an excellent family doctor. You can't just turn it off and decide to be okay, depression is a genuine medical condition that is often misunderstood and misdiagnosed. You have taken the first step by posting your story here so please take the next, you are a survivor and there is help for you and a future of joy with your children. It's not easy but you are not alone.

I have suffered with depression for 7 years on and off since my son was two. I have been on medication on and off too and have found it has helped with no side effects or addiction. I have also needed the help of my family. I find it really hard to work and bring up my two children. I am with my husband but he often works away for long periods. I have had therapy and have found it has helped to talk to a stranger that understands. Please don't be afraid to ask for help!