I can totally sympathise with this Lady. I am 33 and my partner is 32. She gave birth to our first child just over 2 years ago and since then has been extremely difficult to live with. She currently spends 3-4 days a week in bed and I have to juggle looking after my son with a tough full time job and being the only wage coming in. Her Mum and Dad have looked after our son for 4 days a week allow us to limit the time my partner is repsonsible for him but there is little routine and when i return home I am never sure what to expect. When she is awake she is abusive and confrontational with both our families and I and refuses to accept the situation we are in. She has seen the G.P. and been on various antidepressants. I have helped to organise private councelling but she refused to attend and she has refused to attend those organised through the NHS. She has not worked for over 3 years and finds peace in attending the shops with credits cards I can no-longer afford to keep repaying and yet she refuses to give them up. As a member of the NHS but on sick leave she uses contacts within the to get her heavy painkillers as she constantly has a back ache and if not available form her sources then she badgers all members of both families to give her their Codeine or Dehydracodein. The Love their was has now all but dissappeared through 2 years of constants battles and in some cases serious violence on her part. I don't know where to turn or how to make sure I don't lose my son. I am getting pressure from her family to give up work to help with care for my son in the week but when I mention child minding or nursery I am shouted down. I probably am being selfish and should get my head back on the fact that she needs all the help but It is a really lonely feeling,

Hi, your situation sounds very difficult and there is no easy answer. The previous response seems very well thought out. For my 2 penneth, my wife and I both suffer depression going back to childhood events that came to a head as post natal depression about 4 years ago for both of us. I can only really give advice from a sufferers point of view, 3 things have really helped me, both to understand my own and my wife's depression: lots of internet research about depressions causes, symptoms, treatments; talking to each other and other family members very openly about our feelings; finally and most importantly professional counselling made a huge difference to my understanding and thus management of my own condition. As the previous respondant said, your husband desparately needs professional help in particular a medication review and preferably a referal for counselling. Unfortunately you can't force him to do those things. It might be worth doing something similar for yourself, counselling might help. Start with your GP. It might be worth trying to persuade your daughter to do the same background research into depression to give her a better insight and understanding of the illness. Your own health and state of mind are as important as your support for your husband, so sometimes distancing yourself for a time is the best way, and you should not feel guilty for that - try to make it a mutual agreement though. My wife and I have learnt to find time for ourselves when we need it. Hope this helps, and feel free to email me if you want to chat.

It sounds to me as though your husband would benefit from a mental health assessment and medical review. Ideally, this needs to come from him. He needs to contact his GP or community mental health team if he is being seen by an allocated worker. It depends on how much inisght your husband has on his condition. If you are struggling you could also see your GP and see what help there is for carers in your area. MIND is a charity that provides community services for people with mental health issues and also can help with carers. They have a very good website which will give you more information. There are usually other local carers groups which can be accesssed via the internet or from your local GP. It is very hard on the partners,, parents, siblings and children dealing with someone who has a long term mental health condition but there are organisations that can help you. It can help to find out as much as possible about depression and how it manifests itself, it can help to separate the person you love from the illness. It can also help to find out about medical and psychological approaches to depression. There are many self help books that give practical help in dealing with depression, and some of these practical tips can be used by carers themselves to keep themselves well. Exercise, eating healthily, concentrating on feel good activities, socialising, and learning self soothing habits can help with stress as well. Depression is a terrible illness but there are more and more new drugs available that each work differently and it is a question of finding the right combination of drug and positive self help practices. Your GP should be able to help with this or refer your husband to a psychiatrist for more expert help. Good luch, you sound like a lovely lady.