I have people who come in and I go out with my wife, she's still choreographing for certain amateur clubs so I'm still on the circuit. But, where I was involved in the past I'm now known as [Wife]'s driver or the guy that puts the knobs down on the tape recorder. Not, I'm not involved at all and I do, I do feel isolated, I feel as it that's all gone. I think there's, I could still do what I did in the past which is produce, people say well there's a stress involved in that but it's a good stress, it's a different stress, it's a buzz, it's an adrenalin, it's a lift. But I, whether people are frightened to say can I take a chance, he may pop his clogs half way through a show! I don't know but I do, I do miss that terribly. I miss my work in so much as I miss being with people. I don't miss my job, that's.. for fools and idiots, you can keep that but I miss the company I had. I feel a day's a very long time here.
I go out with people, I don't go by myself. And cheap seats are no use anymore because they're top of the house and I can't get upstairs and the theatres don't have lifts. So... but I love the theatre - I was at the theatre last night - be it a community theatre or a wee small town hall, I like the theatre but that's the only real pleasure I've got.
And there's no drive, I mean I have sent away for libs, I still read shows, but that's just to pass my time, I can't do anything with it, whereas if I was doing a show I was always planning, there was lighting, there was costumes, there was sets, it takes up a lot of time, too much of my time in the past I don't know. But it, there's a hole, there's a big hole there that I can't fill at this moment, I can't get myself motivated nor am I allowed to do anything so that's, its crazy. |
