People on the autism spectrum may have difficulties with both verbal and non-verbal language. Many understand language very literally, and think people always mean exactly what they say. They can find it difficult to use or understand facial expressions or jokes and may not understand the ‘give and take’ nature of conversations. One man, for example, felt that he took the instructions from his father when he was young to ‘be no trouble to his nan’ and ‘you’ll never get anywhere without maths’ so literally that they have coloured his whole life. Another commented:

 

People with autism often find it hard to recognise or understand other peoples’ feelings, and expressing their own, which may make it difficult for them to fit in socially and make friends. Some people we talked with said they did not know how to talk to people. They did not understand the unwritten social rules about conversation and how to greet people. Some people wanted to interact with other people and make friends, but they were not sure how to go about it [see Relationships]. Some people preferred to avoid contact with other people; it was easier to communicate with other people electronically via the internet [see Autism support] or by having pen pals.

 

 

Several people said they disliked socialising, particularly in situations where there were more than one or two people. As soon as more than two people were in a room they had difficulty following the conversation. They had experienced this since childhood and some really disliked it in school when they were expected to read out aloud or answer a question in front of the class.

 

 

 

People on the spectrum often have difficulties with social imagination, meaning that they find it hard to understand how others feel and think, and may not feel empathy. They may have no or little concept of danger, difficulty predicting what might happen next or difficulty coping in new situations. They may often think that people mean exactly what they say and may not understand jokes or sarcasm, or may interpret what people say literally.

 

Some of the people we spoke with described believing literally what people said and this had sometimes led to them to trust people naively. One woman commented “I basically think I’m rubbish at relationships and I am slow to figure things out sometimes. I’m not savvy and I think life could have been so much different if I had been a little bit more streetwise”.

Difficulties recognising or understanding other peoples’ emotions and feelings could cause problems within relationships. One woman we talked to, for example, described how her husband was very single minded and was surprised “that not everybody else wants to do the same thing.” Another woman described how her partner who was on the spectrum thought she enjoyed a film just because he did and he was not good at sharing things; “He thinks ‘I want this, I will have it now’ and that is the issue. He does not think somebody else might want something …" [see Relationships].  Another man described his total inability to consider his surroundings or what people might think of something.

 

These experiences relate to the special interests people on the spectrum can be very focused on. They are discussed further in Activities and Interests and Fears, Anxieties and Sensory Issues.

 

 

As described above, difficulties with social imagination had led to a few people being taken advantage of in the past and some women described feeling scared of other people. A few people had become involved with the police or social services. One man ended up with a criminal record after finding it impossible to organise his finances and working life.  Two women had experienced abusive relationships and, in one case, the woman was investigated for a non-accidental injury which happened to her son who was removed from her care for several months. She described how;

 

 

 

Whilst such difficulties significantly affected the lives of the people we talked with, several described positive sides of these characteristics. Some described having a strong sense of justice and equity and a dislike of prejudice. As one woman said “I don’t like shallowness. And injustice and prejudice really make me angry and I have got lots of very strong feelings about things like that and unfairness”. The sense of justice could be overdeveloped at times as the following extract illustrates.

 

 

People also described learning, or trying to learn, to develop their understanding and a few people felt that it was possible to overcome some of the characteristics of autism.

 

 

 

You can read Harriet's wish list for how she would like people around her to act.