Yes, it’s, I suppose that comes down to being too aware of the surroundings. Whatever’s happening it will catch my attention. There’s no may about it. It will. So sometimes when things get too much I kind of go off into, into a quiet corner where I’m in control of everything. When I’m in control of everything then I feel fine, it makes me feel less anxious, you know, I could go away, go away and play some video games, I know the ins and out of the rules and regulations of all that. I sit down and I can immerse myself in such activities for hours upon hours, with little or no regard to what’s going on in the rest of the world. I mean the world could just pass me by, not literally, I mean all the world doesn’t pass me by, but you know, what I mean. But you know, it’s, that is kind of a, that’s well that’s a safety net I suppose. If I kind of reside in there, then there will be nothing that can harm me, nothing that can, you know, make me anxious or worried or angry.

You know, if something goes wrong in the real world, then the best thing you can do is damage limitation and that’s quite difficult, because I’m not very well known for reacting superbly under pressure. And damage limitation would be acting under pressure and everything I do, needs to have some kind of thought behind it. And, when it comes to just pure, you know, split second intuition, then, that’s stumps me. That does stump me.

Is it always a worry you think about or is it maybe thinking about computer gaming?

I think it’s a mix between the two. You know, if my, because I might have accidentally, I might have thought that I’ve accidentally forgot to lock up the house. Then that’ll tick over in my mind. But then if like you said there was computer game or there was an event coming up or something else to that effect, then that would go through my mind as well. I mean even, even a song, just played on continuous loop goes through my head regardless of where I am. I suppose with that, it’s something that I know that would be some kind of safety point to it.

I mean you go into all these unfamiliar environments. You don’t know what’s going to happen. There might be some kind of punch up or, people getting insanely drunk and collapsing and all these different things which can kind of raise the pressure of the situation. And, you know, I suppose having that pre-emptive process going through your head, it takes your mind off that point in time. It takes you to something to which you can look forward or something which you may have forgotten or you might end up chuckling at something. I suppose the worry one would be separate from that one, because it would, everybody would worry. I mean if they thought they’ve forgot to lock their house. Some people kind of think about it for a moment, forget about it, put it to the back of their minds, other people kind of obsess over it. Other people kind of obsess over it. Some people obsess too much and I kind of fall into one of the latter two categories.

Again I suppose what would be noticed by camera is that I’ve turned down the lights in here because they were quite blinding when I came in bright lights are quite, quite distracting, quite distracting. I mean it’s a beautiful summer’s day outside and the light is very off putting. I was coming in and the light was, I had to try and look away from the light but look where I’m going. So that was, that was interesting. Also, I can’t keep, keep myself from hearing the noise upstairs. But it’s just playing about in my ears, and that’s becoming quite distracting as well. 

No. No. The older you get, the wiser you get, the more cautious you get. You become more aware. I mean if you’re a young child with autism, then you’re pretty much led everywhere. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t compare it to a dog on a leash because that would just be comparing autistic children to dogs, which is not right, but you’re kind of taken everywhere and you don’t question it. You don’t question, you know, mummy why are we going in this store? What do you need to do here? Do you need some x? But the adult’s autistic mind grows more wary of the dangers that all these standard every day items, that need to be sorted can bring. I mean if you could go into your standard corner shop and get yourself a pint of milk, and all of a sudden somebody holds up the stock… the shop. I mean normally that doesn’t happen in anywhere but America because the government laws but you know, even if you walk into a normal shop, though most people don’t have that thought going through my head. Sometimes it does go into, into my head, that somebody’s about to hold up the store, you know, just going in for a pint of milk is quite… makes me a little bit anxious because what could happen is unknown.