So I think that when I realised that early on Charlie was unbelievably brilliant at numbers, really good at numbers, and had a real affection for languages that were ‘sing songy’. Things like that then, I don’t know just something snapped and I just thought ‘yes maybe’ and googled it and brought up a load of stuff. And I think it was through the National Autistic Society first that I learnt mainly about it. And a lot of things made a lot of sense, a lot of sense. And then to get the diagnosis for that one day with all the doctors there, it was like ping, ping, ping, like light bulb moments going off all over the place and it was a real relief to be honest with you, it really was, because for me as a mum it made me feel like I did understand my son. Because for a lot of years I didn’t feel like I did, you know, may be not years, but for a good space of time, I really didn’t think I understood him at all.
Well we were at the worst before this place. We were in a smaller flat and like I said he was smearing and things like that, I really didn’t think… I thought I was the worst mother on the face of the earth at that time. It was horrid you know. And to then feel like okay, no, it is not your fault and yes you are right, actually, you do understand your little boy. You are on the right track. It was like, oh thank you, you know, okay, it sort of re-affirms you as a mum again. You feel like okay I am on the right track. I may not be the best mum in the world but at least I am heading in the right direction.
And how did your partner feel when you got the diagnosis?
The same. Same. I mean David and I are unbelievably close. He was literally born a year and a day before me. We are like two peas in a pod as well. It is funny very, very similar, very different, he is very more… I am very outgoing, where he is very, very laid back. And everything that I sort of researched was, you know, either being passed on to him, or he was researching as well. And we were coming to each other and the end of the day and saying, “Well may be it is that. Or may be it is me.”
Oh your partner was …
Yes. Yes. We would come together. And he was like well may be it is this, or may be it is that, or may be it is the other thing. You know. And, and when we went to that, that session with all the doctors it was really good because we were on the same wavelength and they kept saying to us, “Well you are going to feel that it is a shock, after the diagnosis, you are going to feel a little bit…If you have any questions come to us.” And David and I were just like, “Actually we feel utter relief.” More like phew OK, we are on the right track, you know, we know now that everything we have been looking up, we know probably, well not as much as they did in any way, shape or form.
But you know at least we were at the beginning of totally understanding and we sort of accepted at that point that there was something going on with Charlie without a doubt. You know so there was no shock, there was no sadness, depression, or any of that after the diagnosis except for OK well now I have something to work for. Do you know what I mean?