When the psychiatrist said to me originally you'll to decide when your cut off point is I said to myself when he needs twenty-four hour care and when he's incontinent. And he's reached both and I, I'm not ready to let him go yet because to me there's still a person there you know.

So yes, there are still conflicts there and I have to think to myself well, you just got you've just got to get on with it basically.  And the woman and the home is very good. She said 'Look if you have a day or an evening and you think I just can't take it anymore, bring him in, leave him overnight'. She said 'You know it's as open as that, just bring him in. If you've had enough, you think I can't cope with this'. She said 'You don't have to phone us, just bring him in and leave him for the night.'

And knowing that makes all the difference. I've never done it yet, but I mean I know the first Thursday of this teaching course I do at the university we have a party for the students and I have to go to that, so I'll put him in respite for that night. I don't have to worry about him.

So there are ways of getting round this but there is still conflict in that I can't do exactly what I want to do. And I, you know, at the weekends particularly, unless I put him into respite. And I have to be careful that I don't go over my thirteen weeks because my daughter's-expecting a baby in August and I want to be available for that. My son's getting married later in the year, I want to be available for that, you know. I'm going to London next week to meet a friend, I want to be available for that so, I have to plan it, you know quite carefully really. I don't want to take up too many nights by being so, I won't say what I was going to say, being so fed up that I take him back to the home.

So we manage. Some nights not so good, other nights fine. The saving grace is he sleeps through the night and that's a big bonus. He doesn't get up and wander in the night at the moment. Touch wood.