Hydrocephalus was one of the conditions, and a few others which they sort of named, sort of fluid round the lungs and behind the neck which is the hydrocephalus. And I think the condition they diagnosed it was arthrogry-, I can't say it now, arthrogryposis or something like that. It was a condition where basically they say that the water would hamper the development of the lungs. The baby was fully formed, but it may not live, it may not, may not go to full term. And even if it did go to full term, on delivery the baby would only live maybe hours, days and that's it.

So what did you decide to do at this stage?

Well, they offered me termination at 20 weeks, and I refused. 1) Because Islamically we don't terminate, unless it's going to be affecting my health, you know, which it wasn't, and 2) because we'd tried so long, I just hoped that, I was hoping for a miracle that, you know, things would be okay. But it didn't. I used to go, I was going for my scans after that, and then it was when I went for my antenatal check with the midwife at 24½ weeks she couldn't find the heartbeat and sent me down to the hospital. And I had the, the fetal, the consultant from the fetal medicine unit scanned me and said, “Your baby's heart has stopped” and that was it.

So you had to be induced, did you, or . . ?

Yeah. Well, yeah, they were going to, they were going to bring me in on the Monday - this was Friday I went down - they were going to bring me on the Monday and start me off, yes. But sometimes, she did say, “There's a, there's a possibility of you going into natural labour.” And that, that's what basically happened, so on Sunday I was, I was all bleeding and things, and went down to the hospital and then I was in labour. And so I had the baby on Sunday the 13th of January.

That's very sad.

Yes, it was. But we had a little boy, so, you know. It's one of those things. Well, as you can imagine, we were obviously very, very upset, very distraught. But I think, you know, as a Muslim I have faith in God and you do always believe there'll be a miracle. Because I, because the baby was growing normally in terms of having two arms, two legs and a head, it was, it was the other problems that were genetic problems. Just even being, feeling that baby move was enough to keep me going, but it, the baby used to kick like anything, and that just kept me going. So I just, I was just really clinging on to hope, that's what kept me going. But it wasn't to be, so that's it.

So after that horrible experience did you stop trying or stop thinking about it?

I stopped thinking about it, yeah. I just thought, “Well, it's not going to happen.” We even actually contemplated going down the route of adoption, and so we were thinking about that at the time.