Liz – Interview 12
Age at Interview:
Age at Diagnosis:
Liz is a midwife. She is divorced and has one son. Ethnic background: White British.
Brief outline:Liz is a midwife who had her son through ICSI 10 years ago, six years after starting to try for a family.
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But all the people were feeling for us was sort of like sadness. And kept saying you would be a lovely Mum, you would be a lovely Mum and a lovely Dad and all this, you know. And that actually didn’t help very much. It just makes you feel worse actually, but what they are trying to be is kind and say, you know, it is definitely, I am sure it is going to happen. Always sure it is going to happen. Go on holiday and all the things, they try and give you advice about. It didn’t help at all. Not really. Not at all. It just made you feel worse, but the people are trying to help you and show their concern and all that, and it doesn’t actually help, because the thing about it, as you mentioned before, it is very isolating. And infertility is extremely isolating. I am sure the same as if it was as a terminal illness or whatever, you know, it is you, on your own. That is your situation, and whatever people say or do around you, it doesn’t make any difference actually. It helps but to you in that situation it is not going to make any difference. So I do think it is similar to that.
But actually information, you do you want information all the time. You want more information. As much information as you can possible get and as you rightly said there wasn’t much, I wasn’t near a computer much, you know and access to a computer. So those newsletters actually that came from the originating fertility unit were very good, very good, very informative and then they had access to support and counselling if you wanted that. I didn’t actually take that up to be honest, because I felt I got of support from my family and friends, but you do and afterwards the same with newsletters and things, were very good. I just liked that. I liked that aspect of it.
Advice to professionals? Without invading somebody’s space make sure that you understand that it isn’t just a physical process. That it really, really is emotional process. And some people won’t want to be nurtured, looking after, treated as the patient and all their emotional needs catered for, but many people do. So it is trying to get a balance of not invading the privacy, but also of making sure that they do feel looked after at a really, really difficult time. Particularly when things fails and give them time to come back to you, however many times they need to. To talk it through. And it is not just offering a counsellor I am saying, it might just be that, it might be they want to sort of talk to the people that have been dealing with them at the time. So it might be the nurses or the doctors, who can say to them, I can give you an hour of my time. And that might be valuable even then talking generally to a counsellor. Often it is specifics alongside the emotions that they want to talk about.
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