Yeah, I, yeah. I mean the other thing I think I'd like to say is when my wife fell pregnant again. After the termination maybe about 3, 4 months, we got called in to see the geneticist and they thought you know we'd got all the information back, and maybe have some idea what went wrong, and would that affect another pregnancy because she's dead scared to go to get pregnant again. So I mean there's all these other things, knock-on effects like your sex life's different because it's, oh my God you know is it, is she going to get pregnant, is it, do you know I mean, and what would happen then? And there's all these sort of emotional loading you get you know, to have a physical life after that. A lot of people split up because of it, you know a lot of people do so I mean the only, it's [laughs] the only thing I'd say is to be as open and honest as you can, because it is a terrible strain emotionally - physically it causes a lot of problems. You have to communicate it's important to do that.
I mean nobody's a perfectionist, but I think in, there is that error you know there, and there is always that thing that, you know, if your wife becomes pregnant is it going to end up in this sort of way again? Are you going to put yourself through this sort of thing? So if in doubt you don't end up being, I suppose, turned on or whatever, because there's always, there's that block, there's that, there's that psychological barrier that you have to, at some stage, you have to overcome, you know.
And I think the only way you can do that is by talking to your partner, that is the only thing is, because you know, if she doesn't know what your feeling, she's going to feel rejected, and she needs that physical - not particularly sex - but she needs that physical, yeah, contact. Unless you go through it you won't know, you won't know that but, you know, yeah, communication is…
It's communication and trust then isn't it?
Yeah. If you do go through it does make you stronger, it does, it does. I mean we ended up having counselling for a while after that you know with Relate, because of a lot of other things you know - we had stress of moving and other things in your life you know that you don't need - and that actually ended with my wife being pregnant again [laughs]. So it does work, it's not, it's not all over and you know, and we've got a lovely family now, so things, things do, I think things do get better. |
