It was kind of when we got back into that room that it suddenly hit me that I understood what was going on - but he didn't have a clue. I mean...
I mean, his background is music, that's what he does. You know he knows a little bit about the what I do, but it's, you know, as far as, you know, he takes the humorous approach you know - I work with mad people and that kind of thing - you know, he'd read bits of the books but that was more about the kind of how big you are and you know, what to eat, and stuff like that.
And it's like he knew that it meant something was wrong, but he just thought, it was when he said like, “Well we can just get a ground floor,” that I realised that he's all he thought it meant was that they'd be in a wheelchair.
I just, he was like, “We'll cope, it'll be okay.” you know, “We'll move. We'll get a ground floor, or sort out a nice house, somewhere where we, where we can get a wheelchair in.” And I just thought, Oh God you don't get it'. And I suddenly realised that everything that she'd said was based on my background and my knowledge so, me knowing which area of the brain controlled breathing meant that when she showed me that bit on the scan, I knew what that meant when that bit was deformed. But to him it's a bit of a head, you know and the head's a bit misshapen, you know, it didn't, it didn't register the significance of it.
You know when she's talking about shunting and things like that and me knowing the dangers of those kind of procedures, it didn't mean anything. It was just an operation and okay so they'd have to have a few operations. He, it, when it became clear that he thought he was going to get a child that couldn't walk, rather than a child that couldn't be anything. And breaking that down, trying to explain, I couldn't find the words. And he's talking about a second opinion and things like that, and they want us to go up to one of the big hospitals that has a specialist department. And that was all that kept going through my mind was, oh God he doesn't understand, he doesn't know what I know, he hasn't seen this. |
