I was very, with the second pregnancy, I was sort of worried all the way through. And obviously all the health care professionals were monitoring me a lot more closely, I had more appointments. It didn't help that at 7 weeks pregnant that I had my appendix taken out either [laughs]. But we certainly had a lot more scans and more regular contact with the midwife.
I was worried that when the time came for actually going into hospital to have the second baby, I was quite sure that I needed a private room because I thought I was going to be very upset reflecting back on the first pregnancy. As it happens, things didn't really turn out as they should, and the second baby arrived 6 weeks earlier than she should have done. So it was all a bit of a whirlwind and the concentration was fully focused on her to make sure that she was fit and healthy, ready for, whenever the time was ready for her to come home.
Sometimes when she cries, this is more when she was first born, I used to sort of think and, and look, “What would, you know, the first baby have been like?” And that bit could be hard sometimes, to think back what the first baby would have been like. Was this baby a carbon copy of her, or you know, how different would they have been as sisters and things like that really.
And... the whole experience the second time round, it was probably in a way as traumatic in places as the first, [dog barking] because we were having extra scans and it was bringing back all the memories of the first time round. I couldn't remain relaxed throughout this pregnancy until probably about three-quarters of the way through, because we then, we did actually, the consultant I had this time round was very very cautious, maybe overcautious at, sometimes. And we did have to go back to the specialist hospital for about a one-minute appointment, for them to say there, “We don't really understand why you're here. There's no problems”.
But, you know, it wasn't until that point, when they'd given the reassurance there that things were going to be okay this time around. And it doesn't make, you know, it doesn't make the pain any easier of losing the first baby, and, but the pain doesn't go away, But with time it just falls back to the nice memories, and you just have to think of what the baby looked like, just a tiny, tiny baby - perfect. |
