But obviously I was, [husband] didn't talk about [baby] very much afterwards. He found, finds it very difficult, and still does now, so my lifeline was ARC basically, so I did have contact with people that had experienced the same. And I accepted that, you know, people deal with it differently, and [husband's] not really a talker. So that was fine. But I just felt very, very empty and this huge void, you know, and I just longed for, I remember I went back just before her funeral and held her two or three times at the funeral directors, and when I held her I just felt right, you know, I felt complete again, that was the thing.
So then I started reading the newsletters from ARC and there was lots of positive stories in there from ladies, who had gone on to have other babies. And this just sort of put something in my mind, because I hadn't even thought about it, I was definitely not you know, and I mean I was thinking to myself, “Right, I've just got to accept what's happened and, you know, I did what I could for her whilst I'd got her and blah, blah”.
And now I'm sort of involved in different things, getting more involved with ARC becoming a networker there, to help other Mums that have got decisions to make or have already made the decision to terminate. And if I can help others like they did me, it was, at that time it was very important and it always has, it has been since [baby], that ARC have been there and I don't ring to speak to people, I just, just reading the newsletters is enough for me, just to read all the positive things that can come.
And I find that getting more involved with ARC, it just keeps [baby's] memory alive for me, because as the time, I find as the time passes, people speak about her less. Whereas if somebody's actually been on earth, basically born, there's memories of them all around, whereas with [baby] there wasn't. I've got the biggest memory of her, I felt her moving, you know, nobody else did. So that to me, I, it, there's only other mums that can understand that that have been through the same thing. |
