I think it was just too much to really remember. I was just devastated, but numb I think. I just didn't really know what to say or do. And your whole life falls apart in one sentence from somebody, and it was just awful. But I don't think the full extent of it had hit us by then.
We sat waiting for the consultant and she came in. And she was absolutely great. And she came in and she said, “Hi Mum, hi Dad,” to us. And she was a really nice woman - a bit eccentric but really nice - and she said, “Look, this baby is not very well, the abnormalities we've found with the heart and the limbs,” and she said, “At the moment it doesn't look like. The problems the baby's got are looking like they will be incompatible with life”. That's the words that she used.
And again that was a shock because a hole in the heart is something what you think can be operated on, and short limbs, well, maybe they would grow or they, we did, it wasn't something we were expecting, I don't think, that she just said. So from pretty much the word go we were told that the problems the baby had at 20 weeks were incompatible with life.
Which really, from that moment on I felt I didn't have a problem with making a decision. So that wasn't part of the problem for us. It was, the decision in a way was taken away from us because we were told, “Your baby will not live”. So we didn't have that choice of saying, “Well, we could have a disabled baby or we could have a baby with this problem or the baby would need x amount of operations”.
Pretty much from the word go we were told that the baby was 'incompatible with life', and it would be a case of between the 20 weeks and the full term that the baby wouldn't survive and really it just depended on the timing I think.