I felt generally I was treated better by women who had experienced problems - not necessarily the same problems as me, but perhaps who had experienced miscarriage or some similar issue, or perhaps who'd had a scan result or a blood test result that showed up a potential anomaly. And perhaps they, nothing had come of it, but they'd had to think through what if there is a problem? So they tended to be more empathetic.
I did have one or two friends who had had children and I therefore wrongly assumed that they would be empathetic and they weren't. I had one or two - one friend in particular, who I remember saying, “I couldn't do what you did. I couldn't take that decision.” We've, you know, she has three normal, healthy children, so she's never had to make that decision, but she said to me, “I would never allow myself to have antenatal screening to look for a problem. I've always believed that you should take what God gives you and make the best of it.”
And I was flabbergasted, actually. I was absolutely flabbergasted. And I said, “Well, did you not have any scans in pregnancy?” And she said, “Oh yes, I had scans.” And I said, “Well, that's what I had. I didn't volunteer to have anything different from what anybody else had.”
And I guess at that time I was still justifying to myself the decision I'd made, whereas now I think I'd perhaps be much more assertive, and much more challenging to her assumptions. I've never actually forgiven her for that, and one day I have promised myself I will tell her. |
