I think losing my son made all of the antenatal screening a lot less black and white. You know, I think - you know, had I not had problems and someone had come and said, “Well, we think you ought to have an amniocentesis”, I'd have gone, “Yep”. And if they'd have said, “Oh, it's Down's”, I probably would have gone, "Oh okay, you know. Let's have a termination".
But after losing [son] I think it's a lot less - you know, I really did think seriously about whether I wanted to have any tests at all. And yet with my husband, it was the opposite with him. He was even more wanting the tests, and wanting information, and wanting to know, and I think possibly more from a reassurance side of things, whereas I went the other way, and just sort of like, “Well, I don't want to know if there's a problem.” Whereas he wanted the evidence to prove that there wasn't a problem, if you see what I mean. So I suppose different people have different reactions to it.
And do you feel it's made you feel differently about screening? How has it changed your feelings?
Well, I think you realise it's there for a reason, instead of just being one of the things you do as part of the routine of being pregnant, without really paying a lot of attention to it at all. I think it, I mean, I think screening is a good thing. The only problem with screening is it almost gives you more questions than answers, if there is a problem. So it helps you work out that there's a problem, but, you know, one small problem then becomes one massive problem, and there aren't any answers to that.
And then suddenly it all comes back to you and I don't, I wasn't ready for that. You know, you just think that screening is going to give you a yes/ no, and you know, nothing can prepare you for the magnitude of the problem, and the fact that it isn't just a straightforward yes or no. |
