I think it's opened my eyes to the fact that it isn't just me to think about, that it is just, that we are a partnership together, and how is it going to affect our lives? And I think instead of me just jumping in with both feet and saying, “I'm not getting rid of it”, I have to take into consideration my husband's feelings as well.
As with [daughter's] decision, you know, I think still part of me wishes that I'd carried on to full term and I, you know, I'd always, “What if?” There is always a, “What if?”, so if I did go full term with [daughter].
But then I know deep down that that wasn't the right decision to make, but then you always do question your decisions that you make afterwards. But I think it's, I think it's opened my eyes that it's not just my decision at the end of the day, it's not just going to affect me.
It doesn't matter how much I feel I can cope with it, because I can cope with it, knowing that I've looked after children with disabilities, it's whether [husband] can cope with it. And if I went ahead and said, “Yes, it's got Down syndrome. I'm keeping it”, would it mean me losing my husband because of it? And would it be worth me putting, you know, my marriage through something like that, just for the sake of, you know?
I know, it's a baby and it's still a living human, you know, it's a human being, but when it comes to something like that, a decision like that, when you find, you know, your husband is your soulmate and he's your best friend and you want to, you know, you've been through so much together, that would you put everything like that in jeopardy just for this little thing, that everything, you know, you may bring this baby up to be perfectly, you know, have a normal healthy happy life but - apart from its disability - but then there may not be a father in the picture, and is that the right thing for the baby?
And I think it would, I think it's opened my eyes to that fact, that it isn't just my decision at the end of the day. It's his decision as well. And if, say - obviously this pregnancy we haven't got a defect that we know of - but with future pregnancies how is it going to affect this baby, you know, as a sibling? How difficult is it going to make it for this baby to grow up knowing that all the attention is going on the next one because they have got this problem? |
