Have you ever had any thoughts about what might have caused it in your case?
I don't know. I can't think of any specific thing that you could ally it to. I suppose you could say giving up smoking, maybe, but I wouldn't have thought so. One thing I'm very proud of is when I was told I was dying I didn't go back to smoking. I've kept a clean sheet. And my nurse at our practice, who was my conscience when I gave up smoking - I did it through her, and the patches and things - holds me up as a glowing example. But I gave up smoking because everybody needs a reason, and my reason for giving up smoking wasn't health, or my health, it was the health of my grandchildren. And I promised my daughters that on no way I would ever smoke in front of them while they were pregnant or my grandchildren. So I gave up when I knew they were pregnant. And I haven't had a cigarette since. And that was the 3rd of September 2004. So two years.
Engraved on your memory.
Two years in now [laughs]. Well, it is, it's a big thing. I smoked forty a day and I'd smoked since I was 10 years old in reality. So, you know, fifty years of smoking pretty much. But I do feel better for it [laughs]. But, yeah, that's the only thing. No, I don't, I don't think there was, you know, I wouldn't say there was anything that I would say was the cause of it. There's nothing there. I think everybody tries to find something and invent something. And in, part of the discussions with my specialist was that, you know, “You might think, you know, this caused it or that's caused, but we don't know, you know, we just don't know. We don't know whether it's hereditary.” Footballers predominant in motor neurone, a lot of footballers are affected by it. And yet it can affect anybody, you know. I think the nicest thing that was said was that, “It's not something you've done. You haven't done anything to cause this.” If I'd have got cancer then I could have said, “Yeah, well, it's my smoking, you know. I deserve it, you know. I shouldn't have smoked all them fags, thrown all that money away in smoke. I jolly well deserve it.” But you can't, because you don't know, you know. You haven't done anything to deserve it. And it's no use turning round and saying, “God, what have I done to deserve this?” or anything else. You've got it.
I think one of the things that is a strength to me, and has been throughout my life, is that I have had the ability to say, when I have a problem, “Can I do something about it? Yes. Not a problem then. I can cure it. I can go out and do something positive to get rid of it or diminish it. Can I do something about it? No. Well, why worry? you know. It's not going to get me anywhere.” And I've lived my life with that belief. It's very difficult [laughs] not to worry, but I've actually lived it with that. And with motor neurone, “Can I do something about it? Yes, I can. I can go and be part of the trials. I can do this. I can do positive things. I can raise money. You know, I have lots of skills I can use to help motor neurone disease, and, and be positive about it. Can I do anything about curing it? No.” You know. |
