Well the impact on me is… huge. For a long time, even when I was on a three-wheel frame, I was in denial and I was happily in denial. Because as far as I was concerned it wasn't really happening. I might be on a frame, but it was only a frame. I could still do, go into town with my frame and do short bits and whatever. So I was like happily in denial. And denial's got an up-side, you know? “It isn't happening. So therefore I can still, you know, go into town, have a drink.” It had an up-side, the denial, and that went on for a long time, before it came crashing down, and the reality came in. And the impact on me was like, “Well, I should be able to put the 'dis' [disability] to one side and I should still be me,” you know. “'Dis' is only going to be one part - you've still got your personality, you know.” But I was struggling with that one. I knew that that might be a way of thinking but could I think it? No. 'Dis' was everything. It took over. It was 24/7. I couldn't put it away. When I got up in the morning and I went on that trolley, I couldn't put the trolley away. And I couldn't leave it, you know, I just couldn't, I had to live with it 24/7. My whole life was occupied with 'Dis' - it was like a full time job managing 'dis'. Managed the appointments, managed the car, you know, and all the hassle with the car. That was the block I could have really done without. |
