It's, I think where I am at the moment I've become quite, …quite used to being, living with somebody who I know has got a terminal illness. I suppose it's different for Marcelin because he's got the slow progressive type of MND it, it's not, and he seems to keep fairly well at the moment though he has had some bad times in the last three years. But maybe I've got a bit, bit used to being with, to living with him and I'm expecting that, well just living one day at a time really. Just taking each day as it comes.
I mean when I first met him I was very aware of it and my emotions were very much up and down. For other personal reasons as well because I'd lost a sister at the same time. So it wasn't really the best time to be sort of taking up a relationship with somebody who had a terminal illness because I was worried that I would lose Marcelin as well. But so I did find it emotional like the first year or two just sort of getting used to thinking well, you know, he might not be here. You know I don't know how long he's going to be around.
And that was, initially when we first met that was one of my fears. I didn't really want to, I was concerned about getting too close to him because I thought, it didn't seem to make much sense really to be, sort of to having a relationship with somebody who, who might not be here next year. Because you know we don't, didn't know really quite how long he's going to be around and of course we still don't. But maybe over the couple of years, maybe I've just got don't say complacent about it but I just appreciate the time that I've got with him.
And I make the most of that and I must admit sometimes I do forget that Marcelin's got anything wrong with him. I know [laugh] that's silly to say when he's in a wheelchair but sometimes I do forget that you know he might not always be here. But I do, I just try and put that to the back of my mind really because otherwise it just spoils the time that you have got with him. So it, yeah, it has been emotional but I would say in the last sort of six months probably I haven't thought of that quite so much. Whether that's wrong or whether I'm just denying things I don't know but. |
