We got very close. A friend actually asked Di, she said to her in the last few weeks, “It must have been a terrible year”. And Di said, “No it wasn't, it was actually a wonderful year.” The comment she made, she said, “In the last year I've actually learned to accept love fully for the first time and it's just been really wonderful.” And it was the same for me, it was, it was painful - very. It was difficult. It was exhausting, utterly, utterly exhausting. I've used the word exhaustion in my life before but I never really knew the meaning of it until then.
So I think it was very important that we really talked openly and freely about how we felt in those last eighteen months. And I think the very process, the very fact of Di's dying as well focussed our minds. So that many of the - a lot of the trivial stuff that had always kind of dogged our relationship was put aside. And we found it easy to do that. And we made a commitment, really, not openly but there was I think there was a commitment on both of us to just making that last year a wonderful year, you know. And to, we had some disagreements, we had just some disagreements. But we really wanted to, we just wanted to continue to be husband and wife together and to live our lives as best we could as we always had done as far as was possible, despite all the kind of hospital beds and commodes and everything that had invaded our house, you know. And we did that on all levels. I mean we decided that as long as possible we would continue to have a sex life. And I understand from the counsellor that lots of people kind of abandon that and you know. But it was difficult simply because it, you know, sort of Di's increasing paralysis. But it was meaningful. |
