The hardest one was, was with mother, the conflict is, is always that, the conflict is always between what you should do and what it's going to cost and what you can afford and what the, what the effect of it is on you and on your life. And I haven't, I haven't been forced into that corner. Yeah there are a lot of things we might have done if we hadn't spent money on my parents and mother's been in, in care three years, it's cost £90,000. I guess I've had to find about half of that out of, out of income which is not a small amount.

I, they're, they're both 95 now and I mean I don't see this as, I don't see this as an unending commitment but sometimes you, you find yourself with the, sitting thinking that you know there are things I want to do and this is stopping me. And at the moment you make the commitment that's the most difficult time because that is a time when you're making a, a decision which you may come to regard as, a test if you like of your own morality: which is more important, me or somebody else. Or how important are they to me? How much does it matter, how much do I care if? And you, as you go through that process you can sit in judgement on yourself a bit and it's not always very comfortable.

So that's difficult. Am I going to spend £800 a month or £1,000 a month on my mother's care or shall I find somewhere cheap you know, cheaper and I don't have to spend as much and she won't like it as much but what the hell she's had most of her life. You're asking 'am I doing that, am I doing that?' is the sort of question that you ask yourself. Well I didn't have to do that very much. And I had some fortunate breaks in that and I was also fortunate in having the ability to make that funding choice.

You know I mean if it had absolutely crippled us would I have made it? I don't want to go there and ask the question. I mean if it's, you know it's been difficult but not unduly difficult. If it had been screamingly painful in terms of our life style, would I have done it?  I don't even want to ask myself the question. So that's one thing.

Separating them very difficult but it wasn't really a, you know what's the alternative, and when you look at something and say 'What's the alternative?' and there isn't one, that's easy isn't it, that's not a difficult, that's not a difficult decision. You've made you know, you've recognised the reality of the situation is there isn't another choice. Your heart may bleed a bit for one or the other of them, but that's just practicality.