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Living with DyingArrow
Age 30-50
Interview 32  

Interview 32

Age at Interview: 50
Sex: Female
Age at Diagnosis: 48
Background: Educational psychologist (part-time), married, one child
Brief outline:Diagnosed with colorectal cancer in 2001, followed by anterior resection of the colon and chemotherapy In 2003 secondary tumour found in the liver, followed by a liver section. Has also used complementary therapies.


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She feels sad that she will not see her daughter grow up but recognises that anger is pointless.

 



I think I've only ever had flashes of anger. There's been... I don't see it as a creative emotion in any way, or I used to think, anger therapy, great girl, let it all hang out. Although I'm not a sort of enclosed person who holds emotions in, I don't see it as a constructive way of dealing with things and I think it can get in the way of actually planning a positive way through difficulty.  

And so I haven't really got angry. Again, my husband despairs at the things I say sometimes. I remember saying when I really did think that I perhaps didn't have very long, “Well I'll find out what it's all about before most people I know, that'll be interesting because I've always liked new experiences”. I know, it's a strange thing to say but it's sort of trying again to make something positive out of something what's happening to you. 

I've got... I think my emotions were more to do with being upset maybe. I'm sorry that I wouldn't be here when my daughter grew up and had her own babies or whatever and how much I'd miss that. But on the other hand, if I wasn't there, I wouldn't know I'd miss it, if you get what I mean? Sort of strange logic. 

Those are the sort of things I could get very upset about but I wouldn't get angry about it. And yeah the medical profession should have helped me more and helped me sooner.
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