First reactions-shock, disbelief, despair & relief - Bereavement due to suicide : Healthtalkonline

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Soon after the suicide: First reactions-shock, disbelief, despair & relief

After the death of someone close to them, most people grieve and go through a period of mourning. Psychological reactions to bereavement vary between individuals as well as between cultures and ethnic groups. Reactions also vary in nature and intensity according to the type of lost relationship and according to the cause of death. How people grieve is also affected by personality, age, gender, previous experience of loss and what support is available. However, certain aspects of grief are probably universal.

Bereavement is harrowing for most people, but a death by suicide can be particularly horrific and shocking (also see ‘Finding out’).

Stephen’s first reaction to his wife’s death was one of horror. He was devastated. He screamed and screamed when he found her hanging.

Any death is likely to be a shock but Margaret believes that bereavement due to suicide adds “another layer of shock”. Her daughter died in prison, “the worse possible nightmare”.

Helen had half expected her daughter to take an overdose for a long time before it happened but her initial reaction to her death was still one of shock.

One woman told us that her fathers death had not really been a shock This was because for years her father had said that he would take his own life if he developed a terminal illness. Another woman had, with her mother and brother, helped her sick father travel to Switzerland for an assisted death. He had requested this type of death because he had mainly lost his motor neurone function and wanted a dignified end to his life.

Gillian felt glad that her father had been able to die at a time of his choosing, listening to classical music, with his family beside him.

Some people we talked to said they felt quite numb after their loved one’s suicide. They could not believe it and found it hard to function.

Jenny felt stunned and numb for a while after David’s death.

Many people had quite a strong physical reaction when they heard the news that a friend or close relative might not live or had died suddenly due to suicide. One woman said that she found it hard to eat, lost weight, and found it hard to look after her everyday physical needs. Some found it hard to sleep. Others reacted in different ways.

Nina felt breathless and collapsed when she heard that her brother was in intensive care. After he died she felt she was on “autopilot” and was exhausted by the end of the day.

After his son died, Colin experienced what he called “painful grief”. He found it difficult to speak and had a series of alarming nightmares.

When Leon died Arthur felt as though he had a terrible weight in the centre of his chest. Time stood still and nothing seemed to be important.

Most people said that they felt desperately sad when they realised that they would no longer see the person they had loved so much. Then they started wondering why it had happened. People also wondered if they could have done anything to prevent the tragedy. Other emotions included despair, bewilderment, guilt and anger (also see ‘Changing Emotions- sadness, guilt & anger’).