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Bereavement due to suicide
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Before the suicide :
People’s perceptions of why the suicide took place
Suicide notes
GPs and psychiatrists
Soon after the suicide :
Finding out
First reactions-shock, disbelief, despair & relief
Changing emotions-sadness, guilt & anger
Seeing the body or not being able to do so
Telling children and young people about a suicide
Other people’s reactions
Family dynamics
The press and other media involvement
Police involvement
Practical matters
The funeral, inquest, burial or cremation :
The funeral or commemoration
Burying the body or scattering or burying ashes
The headstone or other memorial
The inquest
Reactions to the verdict
Sources of help :
Informal support - Family and friends
Help and support from professionals
Self-help groups, conferences and helplines
Help from Cruse Bereavement Care
Help and information through the internet
Coping with grief and keeping memories alive
Support for children and young people
Life now and a message to others :
Adjusting to life without the person who died
Anniversaries and other special occasions
Messages to others who have been bereaved
Messages to professionals and policy makers
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Bereavement due to suicide
Subject index
Clip
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Alex - Interview 3
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After Alice died Alex did not seek counselling. He spent time talking to close friends rather than looking for external support. He also supported oth
Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Maurice - Interview 14
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After Tom died Maurice and Jane supported each other. Maurice found he could talk to colleagues at work about what had happened. He did not want forma
In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Stephen - Interview 31
>>
Family and friends offered tremendous support after Stephen’s wife died. He found it helped to talk about what had happened. He was relieved he could
In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Brenda - Interview 12
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Friends were a great support to Brenda after her son died in intensive care. A friend also helped her husband. They did not want professional counsell
In 2005 Brenda’s 21-year-old son sadly died in ICU. He had been depressed for some time and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now Brenda focuses as much as she can on remembering the good memories they all shared as a family.
Topic
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Help and support from professionals
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Help and support from professionals
Help and support from professionals
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Informal support - Family and friends
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Informal support - Family and friends
Informal support - Family and friends
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Alex - Interview 3
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Alex draws attention to the saying “Mourn the dead and cherish the living”, and says that the passage of time enormously helps the pain caused by bere
Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Jenny - Interview 1
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When Jenny joined the WAY Foundation support group she found a link to an email support group called Widowed by Suicide.
Jenny’s husband had had episodes of depression. In 2007 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Five days later he took his own life. Jenny has had support from family, friends, the WAY foundation and Cruse. Her baby is also a great comfort to her.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Lucreta - Interview 39
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Friends from church looked after Lucreta for a while after Dominique died. They invited Lucreta to stay at their home and helped her to continue to wo
In 1996, Lucreta’s daughter, Dionne (also called Dominique), jumped to her death. She was 18 when she died. Lucreta had no idea that Dionne had been so unhappy, and was shocked by her death. Lucreta has found support from friends, her church, her GP, and counsellors.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a brother or sister
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Kavita - Interview 33
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In ‘South Asian culture’ it is normal for many visitors to call at the house after someone dies. Kavita found that visitors were tiring but they gave
Kavita’s brother was 30 years old when he jumped to his death. He had been feeling suicidal for some time. Kavita felt “shattered” and desperately wanted help. She had counselling with a psychotherapist and found that SOBS was a “lifesaver”.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Arthur - Interview 27
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Many friends were supportive but one particular friend helped Arthur get through the terrible time when Leon died.
Arthur’s son, Leon, had mental health problems. In 1991, Leon took his own life, in a fume filled car. This was a devastating shock to Arthur. Arthur helped to start the organisation, Papyrus, to try to prevent other young suicides.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a friend
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Michael - Interview 16
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Talking to other friends who had been bereaved by his friend’s suicide was an affirming experience. It made Michael realise that it was normal to feel
Michael was aged 29 when his friend took his own life. It was in 1994 when his friend died in a fume filled garage. At the time Michael took time off work and found most support by talking to his friends and by supporting others who were grieving.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
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Stephen - Interview 31
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Family and friends offered tremendous support after Stephen’s wife died. He found it helped to talk about what had happened. He was relieved he could
In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a brother or sister
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Nina - Interview 11
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Reading about other experiences of bereavement by suicide on a website comforted Nina and her father. Posting messages can also help to clarify ones o
In 1999, Nina was shocked to hear that her brother, Joe, was in intensive care. He was aged 16. He had been found unconscious, hanging from a tree. He died three days later. Nina has found most support from friends, family, counsellors and SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a partner, husband or wife
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Melanie - Interview 21
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The WAY group has been Melanie's ‘lifeline’. She looks at messages every day. She has also met other people through her local WAY group.
In 2006 Melanie’s husband, Simon, took his own life while the “balance of his mind was disturbed.” He jumped to his death. Melanie and her three young children were devastated. They have found help via counselling, support groups and the internet
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a partner, husband or wife
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Dolores - Interview 29
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Dolores knows that all the members of her internet support group have been widowed by suicide but appreciates the anonymity and doesn’t think she need
Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a partner, husband or wife
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Jacqui - Interview 30
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Jacqui was desperate to find others bereaved by suicide but the nearest support group was far away. She started the online group ‘Widowed-by-suicide’.
Jacqui’s husband, Mike, had had mental health problems for some time. In 2006 Jacqui came home to find that Mike had died by suicide. He had hung himself. Jacqui has had counselling and has started her own email support group, Widowed by Suicide Support.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Kate - Interview 7
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The support via Parents of Suicide (POS) helps Kate more than family psychotherapy. The people she talks to on the internet know how she is feeling.
Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Bob - Interview 17
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Bob finds POS very comforting. Support is there 24/7 and if he is feeling ‘down’ he knows that he can send a message and someone round the world will
In 1998 Bob’s son, Darren, died while on holiday in France. He died by hanging and the French police were sure it was suicide. Bob and his wife were shocked. They have found support via Compassionate Friends, SOBS and the internet group Parents of Suicide.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
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Bob - Interview 17
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Bob describes what happens when he and his wife Lynda go to a SOBS retreat in America. They go every year.
In 1998 Bob’s son, Darren, died while on holiday in France. He died by hanging and the French police were sure it was suicide. Bob and his wife were shocked. They have found support via Compassionate Friends, SOBS and the internet group Parents of Suicide.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a partner, husband or wife
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Paula - Interview 28
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For the first two years after her husband died Paula was in the WAY ‘chat room’ most nights. Now she goes on holiday with others from WAY but spends l
Paula’s husband had been depressed for a number of years. In 2005 he took his own life by hanging. This was a huge shock to Paula. She had weekly counselling for 6 months. Since then she has also found the WAY foundation very helpful and supportive.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a friend
>>
Michael - Interview 16
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Michael kept things that had belonged to his friend as a physical reminder of him. He felt that somehow his friend was still having an effect in the w
Michael was aged 29 when his friend took his own life. It was in 1994 when his friend died in a fume filled garage. At the time Michael took time off work and found most support by talking to his friends and by supporting others who were grieving.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a parent
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Mike - Interview 9
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Mike suggests that people should know what support is available for those bereaved by suicide and recommends the booklet “Help is at Hand” [see Resour
In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
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Steve - Interview 25
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Steve found the support group, “Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide” very helpful.
Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Nina - Interview 11
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When Nina’s brother died in hospital the family was not offered support. Nina thinks survivors should be offered help automatically and given the numb
In 1999, Nina was shocked to hear that her brother, Joe, was in intensive care. He was aged 16. He had been found unconscious, hanging from a tree. He died three days later. Nina has found most support from friends, family, counsellors and SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Jasvinder - Interview 18
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Professionals should be aware that ‘honour’ is important in the Asian community. They could help more if they knew what support exists for ‘victims’ a
Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a parent
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Lynne - Interview 26
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Support should be offered at a time to suit each individual. It may be needed years after bereavement. Survivors may not want help from those who care
In 1981, when Lynne was 19, her mother drowned in the bath at home. It seems that she took her own life. Lynne felt her mother had been let down by the professionals who had been involved in her care. She has found support from friends & colleagues.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a child
>>
Brenda - Interview 12
>>
Friends were a great support to Brenda after her son died in intensive care. A friend also helped her husband. They did not want professional counsell
In 2005 Brenda’s 21-year-old son sadly died in ICU. He had been depressed for some time and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now Brenda focuses as much as she can on remembering the good memories they all shared as a family.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Maurice - Interview 14
>>
After Tom died Maurice and Jane supported each other. Maurice found he could talk to colleagues at work about what had happened. He did not want forma
In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Stephen - Interview 31
>>
Family and friends offered tremendous support after Stephen’s wife died. He found it helped to talk about what had happened. He was relieved he could
In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Alex - Interview 3
>>
After Alice died Alex did not seek counselling. He spent time talking to close friends rather than looking for external support. He also supported oth
Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Support for children and young people
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Support for children and young people
Support for children and young people
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Jenny - Interview 1
>>
Jenny felt driven to ensure that David would be remembered through fitting tributes for the exceptional man that he was. She didn’t care how many hour
Jenny’s husband had had episodes of depression. In 2007 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Five days later he took his own life. Jenny has had support from family, friends, the WAY foundation and Cruse. Her baby is also a great comfort to her.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Lucy - Interview 38
>>
Lucy looks at ‘Widowed-by-suicide’ every day, where she can share experiences without being judged. Members reassure each other that their reactions a
Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Helen - Interview 6
>>
Compassionate Friends meet about once a month. After Helen lost her daughter the group made Helen feel very welcome.
Helen’s daughter, Charlotte, had mental health problems. When Charlotte was 30 she was found dead in her flat. She may have taken an overdose or may have taken her own life. Helen has been well supported. She also finds comfort by helping homeless people.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Dave - Interview 34
>>
When Ben died, Dave thought suicide was the ‘worst thing’- now he thinks the death of a child is worse than suicide. He and his wife have found Compas
Dave’s son, Ben, was aged 21 when he developed mental health problems. In 2003 Ben took his own life by crashing his car. Dave was devastated. He has found some help for his grief by seeing a psychiatrist and by going to Compassionate Friends.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Stephen - Interview 31
>>
Stephen attended a SOBS group meeting. Most of the others had lost children. He found it depressing and could not imagine what they could be feeling.
In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Paula - Interview 28
>>
Paula went to a few SOBS meetings, and used their aromatherapy services, but she found the meetings very depressing.
Paula’s husband had been depressed for a number of years. In 2005 he took his own life by hanging. This was a huge shock to Paula. She had weekly counselling for 6 months. Since then she has also found the WAY foundation very helpful and supportive.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Lucreta - Interview 39
>>
‘Compassionate Friends’ is a support group for those who have lost a child. Lucreta attended two group meetings but decided that she needed a more pos
In 1996, Lucreta’s daughter, Dionne (also called Dominique), jumped to her death. She was 18 when she died. Lucreta had no idea that Dionne had been so unhappy, and was shocked by her death. Lucreta has found support from friends, her church, her GP, and counsellors.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Nina - Interview 11
>>
The conferences run by SOBS were interesting, and Nina found them helpful, but she found an entire day talking about suicide exhausting.
In 1999, Nina was shocked to hear that her brother, Joe, was in intensive care. He was aged 16. He had been found unconscious, hanging from a tree. He died three days later. Nina has found most support from friends, family, counsellors and SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a parent
>>
Ted - Interview 19
>>
Years after Ted lost his father by suicide he attended a SOBS conference and a SOBS retreat. A chance discussion helped him remember that he and his f
Ted was 12 years old when his father took his own life by hanging. Ted’s family found it hard to talk about it and Ted lacked information. He felt intense grief during that first year. Ted has found help by researching his father’s life and through SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
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Bereavement due to suicide
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Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Marion - Interview 32
>>
During a SOBS retreat weekend people support each other. Marion describes what usually happens. There is excellent food, various activities, shopping,
Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a friend
>>
Ann - Interview 10
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Running a support group has helped Ann to accept her own bereavement. She still finds it a comfort to share her own experiences with others who have b
Ann’s friend died in 2003. It appears that her friend died from an overdose and exposure. Ann has found support through her faith in God, from counselling & from her GP. She has set up a support group for others, linked to SOBS. She finds this comforting.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a parent
>>
Mike - Interview 9
>>
Mike helped to start a support group. He explains how he got involved and what happens during a meeting.
In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a parent
>>
Mike - Interview 9
>>
Mike suggests that the internet has great potential for helping people, but is a ‘mixed blessing’. He is particularly concerned about internet bullyin
In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a friend
>>
Ann - Interview 10
>>
When Ann looked at the SOBS website she learnt that SOBS were running self-help groups, and decided to start a local group. The group offers face to f
Ann’s friend died in 2003. It appears that her friend died from an overdose and exposure. Ann has found support through her faith in God, from counselling & from her GP. She has set up a support group for others, linked to SOBS. She finds this comforting.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Amanda - Interview 5
>>
Amanda will always think about Lori. She knows his death has changed her but she does not want to be ‘defined’ by her son’s suicide.
In 2005 Amanda’s son, Lori, took his own life. He was 21. Amanda thinks that sexual abuse may have been a reason for his suicide. She has found support via family, friends, church, internet [POS], Compassionate Friends, Papyrus, and psychotherapy.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a child
>>
Susan - Interview 20
>>
Almost two years after Rose died Susan decided she wanted to talk to other people who had been bereaved because other members of the family seemed to
In 2005, Susan’s daughter, Rose, took her own life. She shot herself. Rose had had anorexia and then depression, and was later thought to have bipolar disorder. Susan feels angry because she believes that NHS psychiatric services were inadequate.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a partner, husband or wife
>>
Melanie - Interview 21
>>
Melanie found SOBS very helpful. She used the telephone help-line and she attended SOBS meetings once or twice a month. The groups have been her “life
In 2006 Melanie’s husband, Simon, took his own life while the “balance of his mind was disturbed.” He jumped to his death. Melanie and her three young children were devastated. They have found help via counselling, support groups and the internet
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Steve - Interview 25
>>
It took Steve months to find out about SOBS. He now goes to meetings about once a month. SOBS has helped Steve tremendously because he knows that he i
Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Steve - Interview 25
>>
Steve explains what happens at a typical SOBS meeting in his area. After he lost his sister by suicide he found the group very helpful.
Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.
Dying & bereavement
>>
Bereavement due to suicide
>>
Lost a brother or sister
>>
Kavita - Interview 33
>>
After her brother’s death Kavita felt isolated. She saw SOBS as a “haven” away from the chaos and away from “normal” people who didn’t understand what
Kavita’s brother was 30 years old when he jumped to his death. He had been feeling suicidal for some time. Kavita felt “shattered” and desperately wanted help. She had counselling with a psychotherapist and found that SOBS was a “lifesaver”.
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