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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Jenny - Interview 1 >> Jenny wanted David’s funeral to be ‘perfect’. She chose the readings and poems and who would read them. The service lasted over an hour and was ‘beaut

Jenny’s husband had had episodes of depression. In 2007 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Five days later he took his own life. Jenny has had support from family, friends, the WAY foundation and Cruse. Her baby is also a great comfort to her.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Jenny - Interview 1 >> Jenny felt driven to ensure that David would be remembered through fitting tributes for the exceptional man that he was. She didn’t care how many hour

Jenny’s husband had had episodes of depression. In 2007 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Five days later he took his own life. Jenny has had support from family, friends, the WAY foundation and Cruse. Her baby is also a great comfort to her.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Felicity - Interview 2 >> Felicity chose ‘Dido’s Lament’, Henry Purcell’s aria from the opera Dido and Aeneas at her daughter’s funeral because Alice’s death was such a tragedy

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice. She had depression as a teenager, and was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In 2004, at the age of 22, she took her own life. Felicity has found support from family, friends, her GP and Cruse.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> Alice’s funeral was ‘immensely helpful’. It gave the family a sense of strength and a feeling of solidarity. It helped them to accept what had happene

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Amanda - Interview 5 >> The person who spoke at Lori’s funeral adored him. She told lots of funny stories about him and made everyone laugh. Amanda’s husband also spoke about

In 2005 Amanda’s son, Lori, took his own life. He was 21. Amanda thinks that sexual abuse may have been a reason for his suicide. She has found support via family, friends, church, internet [POS], Compassionate Friends, Papyrus, and psychotherapy.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Lucreta - Interview 39 >> Dionne’s note said that she loved her mother, that she had been “living a lie” and that she wanted all her things burnt at her funeral.

In 1996, Lucreta’s daughter, Dionne (also called Dominique), jumped to her death. She was 18 when she died. Lucreta had no idea that Dionne had been so unhappy, and was shocked by her death. Lucreta has found support from friends, her church, her GP, and counsellors.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Steve - Interview 25 >> Steve’s sister left detailed instructions about her funeral but she did not explain why she wanted to die.

Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Bob - Interview 17 >> Bob’s granddaughter was four when his son died. She was told that he had died and she went to the funeral. When she was older, aged about ten, she was

In 1998 Bob’s son, Darren, died while on holiday in France. He died by hanging and the French police were sure it was suicide. Bob and his wife were shocked. They have found support via Compassionate Friends, SOBS and the internet group Parents of Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> The police stopped all the traffic for Anna’s funeral. Kate said that the police had been very sensitive, understanding and supportive.

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> Financially things were difficult. Marion had financial support from the church and did not know until later that she could have had help from the sta

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Mike - Interview 9 >> Mike was only 18 when his father died. The funeral, at a crematorium, was dreadful because it really brought it home that his father had died.

In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> Graham’s funeral at the crematorium was horrendous. The hearse was late and all the children were in tears. Marion felt spiritually and mentally remov

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Jasvinder - Interview 18 >> Jasvinder felt perturbed because the funeral took place at the house where her sister had taken her own life. A Sikh priest spoke and the female mourn

Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Susan - Interview 36 >> Her father’s ‘humanist’ funeral was a ‘joyous occasion’. It was a ‘celebration’ of different aspects of his life, and a ‘proper closure’ to a wonderfu

In 2001 Susan’s father jumped to his death. He was 78 and had terminal cancer and did not want to die a painful, lingering death. Susan felt comfortable with his decision, but wishes he could have had an assisted death so he could have died less violently.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stephen - Interview 31 >> Stephen said that Gill’s funeral was ‘desperately sad’, but it was a ‘lovely day’. The church was packed. People came in bright clothes, and enjoyed t

In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Margaret - Interview 40 >> Margaret wanted her daughter to be dressed in colours she liked and to feel warm and protected for the funeral. She bought her a new coat, and she als

Margaret’s daughter was in prison when she took her own life. Margaret was shocked by the news. The inquest found that there had been a lack of care while her daughter was in prison. Margaret found support from her dog, friends, SOBS & a counsellor.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> At home, the day before the funeral, Kate adorned Izzy with her wedding veil. Three months later she dressed her other daughter, Anna, in her wedding

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> At home, the day before the funeral, Kate adorned Izzy with her wedding veil. Three months later she dressed her other daughter, Anna, in her wedding

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Kavita - Interview 33 >> Kavita’s father helped to prepare her brother’s body. His open coffin was in the house. A priest anointed her brother and performed other rituals on t

Kavita’s brother was 30 years old when he jumped to his death. He had been feeling suicidal for some time. Kavita felt “shattered” and desperately wanted help. She had counselling with a psychotherapist and found that SOBS was a “lifesaver”.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Brenda - Interview 12 >> Brenda and her family decorated the church with flowers. It helped that the church looked beautiful and very inspiring.

In 2005 Brenda’s 21-year-old son sadly died in ICU. He had been depressed for some time and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now Brenda focuses as much as she can on remembering the good memories they all shared as a family.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Maurice - Interview 14 >> Maurice and Jane chose Tom’s favorite music for his funeral, and a reading from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. They like the line that starts, “Your ch

In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Barbara - Interview 23 >> Barbara and her family provided food for those who came to Matt’s funeral. She found it hard to be sociable and would have preferred to have just disa

Barbara & Colin’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Gillian - Interview 37 >> People from the organisation Dignitas asked Gillian and her family whether or not they wanted a funeral. They decided not to have one.

Gillian’s father, aged 84, had an incurable disease. His motor neurone function was getting progressively worse. He needed constant care, and wanted an assisted death. In 2008 his family took him to Switzerland, where Dignitas helped him to die.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Margaret - Interview 40 >> Margaret wanted her daughter to be dressed in colours she liked and to feel warm and protected for the funeral. She bought her a new coat, and she als

Margaret’s daughter was in prison when she took her own life. Margaret was shocked by the news. The inquest found that there had been a lack of care while her daughter was in prison. Margaret found support from her dog, friends, SOBS & a counsellor.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Margaret - Interview 40 >> Margaret went quickly to the mortuary. Her spiritual beliefs gave her a strong sense of what she should do.

Margaret’s daughter was in prison when she took her own life. Margaret was shocked by the news. The inquest found that there had been a lack of care while her daughter was in prison. Margaret found support from her dog, friends, SOBS & a counsellor.

• Topic
• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> The funeral or commemoration >> The funeral or commemoration

The funeral or commemoration

 

Funerals or other meetings to commemorate a person’s life may be very sad occasions, but they often help those who are grieving. Planning can be cathartic and distracting and some said they wanted to be closely involved because it was the last thing they could do for the person who died. They give people an opportunity to express thoughts and feelings about the person who died, to pray for the person’s spirit, and to say good-bye.