Because this is going to change the whole way you look at life in the future. And you’ll be trundling along and everything’ll be fine and then suddenly something will happen, whether you’re having a bad day or whatever it is, and you’ll be sobs of tears or …

Hmm.

… the loneliness will just hit from, from nowhere. And just as you think that you’ve got back on your feet again, wham, they’re going, you get a letter to say the inquest is going to be on such and such a date and then you’ve got to relive it all over again. I think it takes some doing. Once you think you’re over it, you, you’ve got like two, in a way, two bereavements, because you’ve got the first one which is normal to everyone who has a bereavement where you’ve got the funeral and and the burial or whatever. But then you’ve got to relive it all again for the inquest.

Hmm.

Where it’s, you, you just think you’re doing OK and then it’s all put you back to square one again. And then you start again. But I did find that it, decisions, I was putting decisions off. We were in a rented flat and I had to make the decision was I going to stay in the flat, was I going to buy somewhere to live or; I needed a holiday and friends were saying, “Oh come and stay with us.” So, …

Hmm.

... but I was putting everything off until the inquest. “Oh I can’t do anything because the inquest hasn’t happened.” “Oh I’m waiting until after the inquest.” And so every decision, I was using that as an excuse to put off making any decisions.