So I was basically taken round on my own, to see him [Steve], to identify him, and when I went round there was two puddles of water and drips coming from his shoes, and I said to the nurse, “Take his shoes off his feet will be wet, his feet will be getting cold.”  And they wouldn’t let me touch him, I wasn’t allowed to really touch him, I couldn’t touch his shoes, I had to leave them on, I wasn’t allowed up one side of him, obviously because of the head injury, and I wasn’t allowed to kiss him goodbye, I had to make a wee move on his hairline to take the mud and the dirt away from his hairline to kiss him because of the tubes that were in his mouth.  They wouldn’t let me kiss him on the face as such, or on the lips.

Why, why didn’t they?

Because of a post-mortem, there had to be a post-mortem done, and it’s nonsense, nonsense; sort of these programmes like Casualty and Holby City they give you this impression that you get time and you are allowed to sit with them, and I wasn’t, I can remember being ushered back round, and taken back round to the room, and I asked for the Chaplain to come, and the hospital Chaplain came and we went back round and he gave Steve his last rites.  But, it wasn’t long.  You weren’t allowed, I wasn’t allowed, I certainly didn’t feel there was like time with Steve, and his hands were cold, and he was completely lifeless, and maybe if I’d been taken round that bit earlier…

Mmm.

…there might have been something…

Yeah.

…I’ll never know.

…for the bereaved, there’s no compassion shown it’s just very much seen as, somebody who’s taken their life and was of no importance, you know, I came away feeling very judged and juried that day and it was my first sense of feeling.

Feeling judged and juried?

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

Oh it must’ve been some situation there and we [sighs] I, you know, I can’t stress enough, you couldn’t have got a more in love couple

Mmm.

you know we were like any other couple we had our moments, but we were completely devoted to each other, and you can’t impress that upon the hospital staff when you’re there identifying his body because they’re just clinical, they’re too clinical and there isn’t enough compassion in that environment…