The things that helped me the most at the beginning were planning the perfect funeral, setting up the bursary and doing the media stuff (to raise awareness about bipolar disease). I felt driven to ensure that David would be remembered through fitting tributes for the exceptional man that he was and I didn’t really care how many hours in the day or night it took to achieve that end. Listening to David’s music (he had an enormous collection) and seeing our friends and family helped too. Then our daughter was born, and although it has been tiring, looking after her has probably saved me from going under. She is part of David but also, of course, an amazing little person in her own right and she gives me her biggest smiles when I really need them! I have also just started seeing a counsellor from Cruse and think that is going to be helpful. Finally, there is an email support group for those widowed by suicide – a spin off of the WAY email support group – and I am finding that especially helpful, as so many of the emotions expressed are so similar to those I have felt.