I lost my father just before Christmas. Although I did not see my father's body I was in his flat when the police found him. His death has come as a total shock as although he had suffered from severe mental health issues for many years I was not aware that he had been contemplating this. I am finding it very difficult to cope. I feel tremendously guilty, angry, sad and inadequate. I cannot bear to be alone (the nights are the worst) and although my boyfriend is staying with me at the moment I have no idea how I will manage when he goes home shortly. I also am finding it difficult to contemplate the idea of going back to work which ultimately I will have to do. I still have few tasks to complete (I am next of kin) such as closing his bank account and handing his flat keys over. My father left no note but he had written one, that I guess he later disposed of, as I have found a book with the indentation of his hand writing on it. Part of the note is illegible as but I am able to make out some words/sentences. I have planned to take a pencil rubbing of this but I am not sure if this is the correct thing to do as I may find it to be very traumatic and I worry that I will be going against my father's wishes. I have read and re-read many of the advice and tips on various bereavement sites but nothing seems to help. I wondered if anyone could share with me some of their experiences and or tips of how they coped.