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Intensive care: Patients' experiencesArrow
Aged 51-60
Interview 37  

Interview 37

Age at Interview: 58
Sex: Male
Background: Occupation: manager. Marital status: married. Number of children: 5. Ethnic background: White British.
Brief outline:Was admitted to intensive care in 2004 after having a motorbike accident. Spent 9 days in intensive care and 16 days in a trauma ward.


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Male
He felt like a child the first time his brother took him out and was very emotional.

 



I have very, very vague recollections of other things. I know, one thing I do remember is when my brother came over, he offered to take me out. He was going to Sainsbury's and he offered to take me and this was going to be a first for me. I'd only got used to the house and the hospital obviously while I was there. I have no recollection of the journey home in my sister's car. Though I will go back to that in a minute.  

I remember my brother, he walked before me to the front door, opened the front door. He then opened the outer door because we have like a lobby. I then shut the front door and the feeling that came over me of the hugeness of the world, God. I mean, it was almost like being a child again. It was awesome. I'm about to step out of the door and there is, and all I was used to was rooms. There is four walls and a ceiling and a floor. All I'd got when I stepped out the door was a floor. There was no walls, no ceiling. I stepped out the door and I said to him, it was being like a child again. It was frightening. It was awesome. 

I stepped outside the second door and the feeling was awesome. It felt, I felt so weak, so oh I don't know. It's a job to explain. It was like, I was a child and I was going out with my father and I was looking for my father to help me because of the fear I was going through. But anyway we walked down over the path and, of the drive and I followed my brother and we got to the curb and there was traffic coming left and right and I felt so weak. Because of my ankle injury I'm thinking if I start walking across the road now and a vehicle comes I'm not going to get over. I can't break into a run as I could before the accident. And again it was the second moment of terror, of panic. It was awesome. Anyway I followed him. He didn't understand how I felt. Not because he didn't understand but because I didn't tell him. This issue again is a macho thing I think. There are certain things you will say and other things you are just not, you would suffer. And this was one of the things I was going to suffer. 

Anyway we got into the car and I found that very strange because this is a very claustrophobic, and though he had quite a large car it still felt that, the roof was only inches away and the screen was only inches away. And I'd only been used to rooms and then all of a sudden I'm in the big outside world and then all of a sudden I'm in something even smaller. But I think I could handle it. 
Jonathan Miller - Intensive care
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