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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a friend or distant relative >> Lisa - Interview 29 >> A newspaper article described two people who had been stabbed. Lisa thought one might be her ex-boyfriend so she rang the police and was asked to iden

In the 1990’s Lisa lost two good friends due to murder. When her ex-boyfriend was stabbed, Lisa was in despair and at times suicidal. She was ill for over six years. She sought help in many ways. Finally, a healer from a spiritualist church restored her.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Dean - Interview 36 >> Dean was deeply shocked when the police called him to tell him that his son had been in an accident. He went to the hospital to see Andrew’s body.

Dean’s son, Andrew, was killed in 2006. He was hit by a car which was driven by a man who was not insured and who was driving illegally. Dean felt shocked and devastated. He has found help via friends, family, RoadPeace, the Spirualist Church and others.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a husband, wife or partner >> Martin - Interview 10 >> Martin was asked to identify his dead wife. He was shocked when he held her hand and found it so cold.

Martin’s wife had a part time job as a lollypop lady. When she was standing on the pavement, she was hit by a bus, and died instantly. Martin was shocked. He is bringing up two children, which is a heavy responsibility. Counselling has helped him.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Rachel - Interview 40 >> Rachel’s son died overseas in a bomb explosion. She could identify him from tattoos and his passport photograph. She also saw his body.

Rachel’s son, Dave, served in the Paras before he joined a security company. In 2006 he was working in Iraq when he was killed by a bomb. Rachel was devastated. She has had counselling which has helped, but at times finds it hard to get on with her life.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Rosemary - Interview 25 >> Rosemary was asked if she would like to identify James’ body after he was killed by the London bomb. She thinks she and her husband probably made the

Rosemary’s son, James, was killed in the 7th July bomb attack in London in 2005. The family was devastated. Rosemary found help via family, friends, and colleagues, and through a vicar and a psychotherapist, and by creating wonderful memorials for her son.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a husband, wife or partner >> Josefine - Interview 30 >> Josefine was not in favour of organ donation. She does not think bodies should be used for spare parts.

Josefine’s husband, Nicholas, was killed in a car accident in 2001. Josefine was shocked but understands that death is part of life. She arranged a ‘green funeral’ and buried Nicholas on her own land. She has had tremendous support from family and friends.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a husband, wife or partner >> Josefine - Interview 30 >> Josefine chose to spend many hours with Nicholas in the hospital mortuary before the post-mortem. Friends and relatives also visited during these 3 da

Josefine’s husband, Nicholas, was killed in a car accident in 2001. Josefine was shocked but understands that death is part of life. She arranged a ‘green funeral’ and buried Nicholas on her own land. She has had tremendous support from family and friends.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a husband, wife or partner >> Jayne - Interview 07 >> After Jon died Jayne spent time alone with him in a hospital room. In the mortuary he was behind a glass screen. Only when he was taken to a chapel of

In 1992 Jayne’s husband, Jonathan Zito, was murdered by a man who had mental health problems. Jayne was shocked and traumatised. Since then she has had a great deal of counselling, which has been very helpful. She founded the Zito Trust.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Elizabeth - Interview 16 >> Elizabeth was angry about the delay before she could see her daughter. She wanted to touch Marni and was glad that nobody stopped her.

In 2006 Elizabeth’s daughter, Marni, was killed when her car veered across the road and crashed into a lorry. The accident may have happened because Marni had a medical condition. Her death was a terrible shock. Elizabeth was devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Pat - Interview 05 >> Pat wanted to be alone with her son when she saw him in the mortuary but the officer came with her. She felt it was wrong that she could not wash and

In 2007 Pat’s son, Matthew, was killed when his motorbike hit a car that was turning right. The coroner concluded that it had been an accident. Pat was devastated. She has found support from family, friends, and through Cruse Bereavement Care.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Peter - Interview 13 >> Peter wanted to cuddle his son but was only allowed to see Tim’s body from behind a glass screen in the mortuary.

In 2005 Peter’s son was killed in a car crash. Tim was only 19 when he died. He was in a car driven by a friend who was drunk. Peter and his wife have experienced a terrible loss. They comfort each other and do not want formal counselling.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Linda - Interview 15 >> Linda was allowed to see Kevin after a post-mortem, and was upset that she wasn’t allowed to touch him. She felt that he had become police property.

In 2007 Linda’s son, Kevin, was murdered. He was 27 years old. He was stabbed and died 5 hours later. It was a terrific shock to all the family. Linda misses Kevin tremendously but her spiritual beliefs have helped her cope with her grief.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Ann - Interview 24 >> Ann was allowed to see her son’s body after about 24 hours, but was only allowed to touch his face, not to hug him.

In 2005 Ann’s son, Westley, was murdered. He was attacked by a man with a knife. Ann and her family were devastated. Ann started the organisation KnifeCrimes.org which supports other victims of crime and which aims prevent other knife attacks.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> William - Interview 18 >> William saw his daughter at the hospital soon after her death. After the post-mortem, two days later, the undertaker brought her home. Lauren lay in h

In 2005 William’s 15 year old daughter, Lauren, was crossing a motorway and was hit by a lorry. She died almost immediately. William felt anger and guilt for not being able to protect her. He still misses her very much indeed.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a brother or a sister >> Ian - Interview 32 >> Ian and his family went to see Dorrie soon after he was shot. Ian was glad that his brother looked at peace. Seeing the body helped Ian to accept that

In 1999 Ian’s brother, Dorrie, was shot. He died soon afterwards. Ian was deeply shocked but he supported the rest of the family and kept his faith in God. Dorrie’s death made Ian reassess his life, and live not only for himself but also for Dorrie.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Cynthia - Interview 02 >> After the inquest Cynthia understood why she had not been allowed to see her daughter’s body. She would have liked to have had that explained at the t

In 2000 Cynthia’s 26 year old daughter was killed when she was knocked off her bicycle and run over by a lorry. The inquest verdict was “accidental death” and the driver was acquitted. Cynthia was devastated and now campaigns to prevent other road deaths.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Dorothy - Interview 28 >> The family had to wait eight weeks before Mark’s body was released for the funeral because the crown prosecutor could not decide whether to bring crim

In 2005 Dorothy’s son, Mark, was killed in an industrial incident. He was working in a waste and recycling plant. Dorothy was shocked and angry. Counselling, hypnotherapy and Compassionate Friends have helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a brother or a sister >> Erykah - Interview 22 >> After some delay Erykah’s brother’s body was brought home. He lay in an open coffin while people paid their respects, played Caribbean music and said

In 2002 Erykah’s brother was shot many times. His death was a terrible shock, and at first Erykah couldn’t believe it. Erykah’s faith keeps her strong. She has found support via the organisation, Mothers against Violence (MAV).

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a child >> Elizabeth - Interview 16 >> The family organised most of the funeral. Elizabeth and her other daughter dressed Marni, family and friends took her almost to the crematorium in the

In 2006 Elizabeth’s daughter, Marni, was killed when her car veered across the road and crashed into a lorry. The accident may have happened because Marni had a medical condition. Her death was a terrible shock. Elizabeth was devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a brother or a sister >> Susanna - Interview 17 >> Susanna knew that her brother Dan was in Bali. When she heard about the bombing she ‘oscillated between hope and despair’ until his body was identifie

Susanna lost her brother in the terrorist bombings in Bali on 12th October 2002. Dan was killed instantly and his wife was badly burnt. With other bereaved relatives she started the UK Bali Bombing Victims Group.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a brother or a sister >> Matthew - Interview 26 >> Matthew describes being in Bali with his parents. He went to look for his brother in the hospital and in mortuaries. Timothy was eventually identified

Matthew’s brother, Timothy, was killed in the Bali bombing in 2002. He died instantly. His death was a terrible shock to the family. His body was brought back to the UK. Matthew is proud of the beautiful memorial that stands in London for those who died.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Lost a brother or a sister >> Susanna - Interview 17 >> The ‘extraordinary practicalities’ to be sorted out were made more difficult by different time zones, different languages, and dealing with the Indone

Susanna lost her brother in the terrorist bombings in Bali on 12th October 2002. Dan was killed instantly and his wife was badly burnt. With other bereaved relatives she started the UK Bali Bombing Victims Group.

• Topic
• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Burial or scattering ashes >> Burial or scattering ashes

Burial or scattering ashes

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Identifying the body >> Identifying the body

Identifying the body

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Viewing the body >> Viewing the body

Viewing the body

• Condition
• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to traumatic death >> Bereavement due to traumatic death

Publication date: 26th November 2009  

Last reviewed: October 2011

Review date: October 2013

 

We interviewed 40 people bereaved by a traumatic death. Some had been bereaved recently, others years ago. To find out about their experiences and the issues that affected them select from the topics below or choose from the 'Full list of topics' to explore all the topics covered.