I didn’t tell my youngest for a month that he had a baby sister because I was worried about her dying, and I didn’t want to have to explain again…
…Because I’d been very straight with my youngest.
How old was he at that stage?
Two and a half.
Quite tiny.
Yes. You know, we explained death, well, first of all we said they’d gone away and then we realised that was wrong.
And then we started saying, using the word they, they were dead. And we were told, you know, if you’re upset don’t go walking away, tell him why you’re upset. So I would say, you know, “Mummy’s upset because she misses the children”. . And he’d say, “Oh yes, and daddy.” And I’d, of course I’d have to say, “Yes, and daddy.”
What helped you prepare, who helped you with how you should tell your other child what had happened? Did you get any professional help?
The GP offered to book him in on Jeremiah’s Journey. And I said, “That’s great.” So they came out after a couple of weeks and had a quick chat with him and with me.
They’re childhood bereavement counsellors are they?
Yes.
And they just said, you know, “You do whatever’s right, that you feel is right.”
And I told them what I was doing. They said, “Yes that’s fine”. And slowly, bit by bit, he’s been getting more information. I never intend demonising his father, because it is his father, biological father.
And now he knows for example it was a fire … He doesn’t know that the rest of it.
He doesn’t know who did it, and he doesn’t know that it wasn’t just the fire.
And things like that. But, you know, it makes him aware and he says, you know, “Oh my brother and my sister and my daddy died in the fire.” He’s very matter of fact. And then he wants to go off and play with Scooby-Doo.
You know. But he rarely mentions them, but whenever he does I’ll ask him if he wants to talk about them.
And he doesn’t really want to. He’s not, he’s not, he just says, “Well I feel sad.”
And you say, “OK.” I mean, he was having some serious night terrors which concerned me. He was also coming back from school and saying, “Well I’m going to kill you.” And that was really, really hurting all of us.
But, call Jeremiah’s Journey, they were there the following day and they said, “Look, it’s perfectly natural his age, he’s going to hear it, you’re just more sensitive to it, don’t worry”. And, you know, he’s, he’s all right, he’s doing really, really well. As he keeps telling me, he’s very brave [laughs]. As he is [laughs].
Wonderful.
[Laughs] He is. Yeah. And he adores his little sister which…
That’s good.
…is good, yes.
