Are you a spiritual person yourself?
Very much so. And I have to say if I wasn’t I don’t think I’d be sitting here now doing the interview, is the honest truth. Because I think the shock is so great. You have to have, you have to have something there I think to, to pull you through, you know. Otherwise I just think you just feel that you can’t do this.
You know, without a child. So, yes, certainly, my belief system has, has got me through. And will carry on.
Do you mind saying a bit more about that because I think that’s really important?
Well, I very much, I have this belief of the birth and death process and it’s something that we all go through and, and, you know, if you look at it logically one can’t be without the other. And, you know, we’re constantly dying all the time anyway. Our cells are regenerating. If you look at us in children and teenage and early years that’s not what we look like now. So, you, you have your death of your childhood if you like in your teenage years and you carry on evolving. But I believe in karma as well and I believe in previous lives.
And what is meant to be and, and looking back now on what Kevin did the two weeks before he died, you could almost say that his, his soul knew he was going, although Kevin didn’t. And there were certain things that he did. He visited my family, and other things that he did and you just thought, no, some, some part of his psyche knew he was going and he was saying his goodbyes.
And looking back on that now that makes such perfect sense. And that you don’t’ just die. I know where he’s gone. I know that this is our learning experience here and, and that you go home. It’s the shock you have to deal with basically. And the missing of him, I think, which now even 15 months down the line hasn’t been dealt with. Because, and, and might never. You might never, ever move on from missing a child.
Do you believe you’ll be with him again?
Oh he’s around us all the time. I don’t even believe that I have to wait through this lifetime. Because I think if I had to live another 50 years of this life thinking I might see him again I think you have to have the belief that he’s here.
That, you know, he’s, he’s passed on but he’s not dead. You know, he visits me in dream states. He tells me it was his time to go. And I do accept it was his time to go, because it’s too freaky. Other people are stabbed and they make it.
But it was, and, and it was his lifespan of 27 years on this, this plane, and, you know, it’s how we all have to deal with it afterwards….
…that’s helped me through, really. And will help carry through knowing that he is around. And I do sense him a lot of the time. And I, you know, you think, “Oh what would Kevin do in this situation?” And, and that, I, I draw great strength from that, yeah.
Do you belong to a church?
I don’t believe that any religion, no.
It’s just a spirit, a spiritual belief?
Just a spiritual…
I think growing up I had to go to various things. I, you know, I did my bit going through a spiritual church to start me off and, and then through a wonderful organisation called Brahma Kumaris, which I think are, are very, very good. And through reading and inner development and working on my self and, and my beliefs have, have got me to where I am now, to the extent that I can help other people now.
