Yes so I felt that a self-help group would be something that would be really valuable, because it was something that I had looked for. And to cut a long story short, eventually in February 2005 … no just wait a minute … February 2006, I begun a self-help group. And two or three friends supported me at the start to get it going. At the first two meetings only one person turned up. But we persisted, because we knew that it was a question of letting people know that we even existed.
And now we’re eighteen months on and we generally have eighteen to twenty people come long. And that is actually increasing the more we’re getting out in our local community and making people aware of the self-help group, more people are coming along. So we …over the summer we don’t meet because we think that encourages people to support each other rather than depending on the group. So if they’ve made friends in the group they can meet up. And then we will resume in September. And we’ve had quite a lot of inquires over the last three months of people wanting to know more about it and you know encouraged to come along. So we are anticipating that that will extend a bit further.
But I found it very rewarding because there’s always that element from I think any bereavement, but suicide bereavement has got a particular element of the trauma, and the particular things of, you know, you’re involved with the police, you’re involved with the coroner’s court, you’re involved with the press. And most of us who are bereaved through suicide haven’t been involved in that type of scenario. So therefore you … those experiences stay with you I think more strongly. And there are times when even though you’ve come to terms with what’s happened, you still find it helpful to talk through things. And what I find from running the group is that it does give me that chance to maybe revisit some things or even look at situations differently. I would say you know that I’ve dealt with my bereavement, and that I’m comfortable with it. But I don’t think the pain ever goes away and that surfaces as, as any painful experience does for anybody.
Hmm.
So therefore running the group, it’s helpful to be able to share my experience. But it’s also … it’s still a comfort being with other people.
Yes.
Who have gone through the same thing.
Does your group have any particular name?
It does yeah … it’s linked with the Survivors of Bereavement through Suicide, which is a national charity.
So would you see yourself as part of that?
Yes we are part of that. We’re linked with them.
Hmhm.
But we you know run our own group. The national group does give support to anyone who would want to set up a group. So if there’s anybody, you know, that wants to start a group, they can get in contact with the national SOBS and they will guide and support them into doing that.
Do you mind explaining what, what might happen at a typical meeting, at a typical group meeting?
I can’t speak for any other meeting because I haven’t been to anyone else’s meeting.
No, your own, your own.
But our own meeting, we come together and generally we, we always start off just explaining that what is being discussed in the group is confidential and that we respect that and that we don’t discuss it out … whatever’s mentioned in the group we don’t discuss it outside. We emphasise that we’ve come together for what we share in common and that we don’t tolerate discrimination of any sort. So therefore we really try to aim, focus on what we agree on and what we; you know our common experience of being bereaved through suicide. And that we respect that each person will maybe respond differently. And we have found people really do respect each other. We’ve got people who come who, you know, have got deep Christian belief or belief through some other religious way, and others who have no belief at all. And you sense that people do respect that between each other.
Hmm.
And you see both … the … the questions that people ask from both those perspectives, and also you’ve got different age groups. We’ve got people from their early twenties up until people into their eighties. And again we’re just united by the fact that we’ve gone through the same thing.
Hmm.
So it’s very wide, you know, what we discuss, and the people who are attending.
And do you leave the floor fairly open for people to talk about what they feel like talking about or would you lead the discussion in some way?
We always start off with leading the discussion in order to provide a platform from which to begin. But we always have a session of, you know, is there anything that’s really bugging you, you’ve come to this meeting tonight and we haven’t covered something that you really want to discuss.
Hmm.
And then we hope that that will avoid people going away and thinking well I went tonight and didn’t get a chance to say what I wanted to say. We also at the end of meeting we have a drink and nibbles and things to eat so that people intermingle and may of not been confident to speak out in the group but they will have … somebody in the group will have mentioned something that’s dear to their heart and they will, they will then go and speak to them.
Hmm.
And that happens a lot.
Hmm.
And we also have books for people to borrow. And we try to keep up with whatever’s happening in the world of surviving … you know supporting survivors of bereavement through suicide.
Hmm.
So it’s quite on open forum really where people can move on. And we do emphasise that it is about moving on. And it … the encouraging thing is that we find people come when they feel they need to.
