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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Barbara - Interview 23 >> A young policeman made what Barbara thought was an ill-judged remark about her son (Matt)’s driving when he came to tell them that Matt had died.

Barbara & Colin’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> Alex and Felicity received the news that Alice had died in the middle of the night. The police handled the situation with great sensitivity.

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> The police arrived at the house and told Kate that Anna had died. Kate’s other daughter, Izzy, had died by suicide only months earlier, so this was pa

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> Alex and Felicity were most impressed by the thoughtful action of a policeman who sent them something that Alice had written for her grandfather’s fun

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Arthur - Interview 27 >> The policeman was very patient and took his time getting the information he needed from Arthur at a time when Arthur was still feeling shocked by his

Arthur’s son, Leon, had mental health problems. In 1991, Leon took his own life, in a fume filled car. This was a devastating shock to Arthur. Arthur helped to start the organisation, Papyrus, to try to prevent other young suicides.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Mike - Interview 9 >> When Mike was only 18 a young and inexperienced policeman arrived at the house and told him and his sister that their father had died.

In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Patricia - Interview 4 >> When Patricia heard the news of Andrew’s death she wished a second police officer, perhaps a woman, had been there to offer her some human contact.

Patricia’s husband, Andrew, had had depression for years. A number of times he had taken an overdose or tried to gas himself and then sought help. In 1994 he died in a car, due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Patricia found support via Cruse & SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stephen - Interview 31 >> After Stephen’s wife died the police were efficient, sensitive and apologetic as they looked round the house for evidence of suspicious circumstances.

In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> A policeman told Marion her husband was dead but he did not offer enough help. She felt that he was treating Graham like “a bit of paperwork”.

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Patricia - Interview 4 >> Patricia's children all reacted differently when they heard their father had died. She thinks she should have accepted the policeman’s offer to break

Patricia’s husband, Andrew, had had depression for years. A number of times he had taken an overdose or tried to gas himself and then sought help. In 1994 he died in a car, due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Patricia found support via Cruse & SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stuart - Interview 22 >> The police took Stuart to see the spot where Anne had been found in her car. He thought this was really helpful.

Stuart had been separated from his partner, Anne, for 13 months, but saw her and their son regularly. He was deeply saddened when she took her own life by carbon monoxide poisoning in 2005. He feels isolated but has found help for his grief in many ways.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Dolores - Interview 29 >> Dolores had not been told how serious her husband’s injuries were before she arrived at the hospital, and she had to wait sometime before staff treati

Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> The police stopped all the traffic for Anna’s funeral. Kate said that the police had been very sensitive, understanding and supportive.

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Lucy - Interview 38 >> At first Lucy thought her partner’s death had been an accident, but about a week later she found a message on her computer suggesting that Darrell had

Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> A policeman did not know how to get into the mortuary. When Marion went to the police station to collect Graham’s things she overheard a policeman ref

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stuart - Interview 22 >> The police woman did not return Stuart's calls. When he went to the police station to collect Anne’s things he felt that the approach of the front des

Stuart had been separated from his partner, Anne, for 13 months, but saw her and their son regularly. He was deeply saddened when she took her own life by carbon monoxide poisoning in 2005. He feels isolated but has found help for his grief in many ways.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Colin - Interview 24 >> Colin and his wife felt obliged to drive in the night to identify their son’s body in the mortuary. Colin doesn’t think his wife has forgiven the poli

Colin & Barbara’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated. Colin found help from friends and family.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Dolores - Interview 29 >> Dolores wanted Steve’s clothes returned. She was upset when she heard they had been incinerated. She was also upset when the policeman returned Steve’

Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Lucy - Interview 38 >> The police arranged for a press officer to take a statement about Darrell and the way he died so that Lucy and the family would be left alone to griev

Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> The coroner’s officer was “wonderful”. He dealt with Marion and her young child very professionally. He answered all her questions and was available w

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Colin - Interview 24 >> Colin felt that the coroner lacked “humanity” when dealing with his family during the inquest hearing.

Colin & Barbara’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated. Colin found help from friends and family.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a friend >> Ann - Interview 10 >> The media were heavily involved because Ann’s friend was missing. The police tried to protect Ann from intrusive newspaper reporters and TV crews.

Ann’s friend died in 2003. It appears that her friend died from an overdose and exposure. Ann has found support through her faith in God, from counselling & from her GP. She has set up a support group for others, linked to SOBS. She finds this comforting.

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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Bereavement due to suicide

Publication date: 28^th October 2008          Last updated: October 2010

Review date: October 2012

 

We interviewed 40 people bereaved by suicide. Some had been bereaved recently, others years ago. To find out about their experiences and the issues that affected them and where people found help, click on the links below.

• Topic
• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Police involvement >> Police involvement

Police involvement

 

Someone from the police usually informs close relatives about a death due to suicide. The police should pass on information, and if appropriate, tell people where they can find more information, help or counselling. Most people we talked to said that the police were efficient, compassionate and courteous. A few thought the police needed more training and needed to think carefully about the words they used when delivering bad news (see ‘Finding out’).