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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Amanda - Interview 5 >> It took Amanda a long time to accept that her son’s death was not her fault.

In 2005 Amanda’s son, Lori, took his own life. He was 21. Amanda thinks that sexual abuse may have been a reason for his suicide. She has found support via family, friends, church, internet [POS], Compassionate Friends, Papyrus, and psychotherapy.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Steve - Interview 25 >> Steve’s sister left detailed instructions about her funeral but she did not explain why she wanted to die.

Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Maurice - Interview 14 >> Maurice wanted to know why his son had taken his life. He wondered if he could have altered the circumstances that led to Tom’s death.

In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Jasvinder - Interview 18 >> Jasvinder felt she should have done more to help her sister but she couldn’t because her family had disowned her.

Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Dolores - Interview 29 >> Dolores lost her husband in 2005. She still feels desperately sad, mainly because her young son will never know his father.

Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Steve - Interview 25 >> Steve often feels guilty. He thinks he could have done more to prevent his sister’s suicide. Now he feels guilty if he allows himself to feel happy.

Steve’s sister took her own life in 2006. She stepped in front of a train. She had had mental health problems for many years but was not receiving the care she needed at the time of her death. Steve was devastated. He has found most support from SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Jane - Interview 13 >> Jane felt guilty for years. She only started to feel better when she decided to carry a bit of the responsibility for Tom’s death.

In 1984 Jane and Maurice’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Jane found support from friends. Counselling and a support group were also helpful.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stuart - Interview 22 >> Stuart kept wondering if he could have done things differently He also feels guilty because he found it hard to cry after Anne died.

Stuart had been separated from his partner, Anne, for 13 months, but saw her and their son regularly. He was deeply saddened when she took her own life by carbon monoxide poisoning in 2005. He feels isolated but has found help for his grief in many ways.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Jasvinder - Interview 18 >> Jasvinder did not want to take antidepressants. She found counselling helpful because her counsellor was impartial, objective and offered unconditiona

Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Susan - Interview 8 >> She could talk to the counsellor in confidence and found counselling helpful. It was hard to talk to her husband after Stephen died because of feeling

Two of Susan’s sons have taken their own lives by hanging. Barry died in 1995 and Stephen died in April 2006. Susan has had support from various sources. She is still grieving but feels she must “move on” for the sake of her other children.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Dolores - Interview 29 >> After Steve died Dolores felt guilty about what had happened. She has seen a psychologist every fortnight for the past two years and has found therapy

Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Lucreta - Interview 39 >> Lucreta can now live without feeling guilty, without blaming herself for something that happened that was beyond her control. Life is good again.

In 1996, Lucreta’s daughter, Dionne (also called Dominique), jumped to her death. She was 18 when she died. Lucreta had no idea that Dionne had been so unhappy, and was shocked by her death. Lucreta has found support from friends, her church, her GP, and counsellors.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Jasvinder - Interview 18 >> Jasvinder understands feelings of depression and guilt about losing a member of a South Asian family to suicide, and says it’s important not to blame

Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Lucreta - Interview 39 >> Lucreta blamed herself for over a year when her daughter died, and says it's important not to do that: remember the good times, the funny times and th

In 1996, Lucreta’s daughter, Dionne (also called Dominique), jumped to her death. She was 18 when she died. Lucreta had no idea that Dionne had been so unhappy, and was shocked by her death. Lucreta has found support from friends, her church, her GP, and counsellors.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Lynne - Interview 26 >> Lynne urges others not to be hard on themselves. When someone has a mental health problem the sustained pressure on the family can be forgotten after

In 1981, when Lynne was 19, her mother drowned in the bath at home. It seems that she took her own life. Lynne felt her mother had been let down by the professionals who had been involved in her care. She has found support from friends & colleagues.

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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Changing emotions-sadness, guilt & anger >> Changing emotions-sadness, guilt & anger

Changing emotions-sadness, guilt & anger

 

When people first heard about their loved one’s suicide they usually felt shocked, as well as many other emotions (see ‘First reactions-shock, disbelief, despair & relief’). Margaret described bereavement by suicide as a “big open wound”.

 

It has been suggested that there are four “tasks” of mourning, and that over time people need to accept the reality of their loss, allow time to experience feelings and emotions, adjust to life without the dead person, and “move on” with life. However, grieving individuals may not go through these stages and those who do may not undertake them in a fixed order. Indeed, one of the men we talked to who had lost his wife argued that the notion of “stages of grief” is a “load of rubbish”.