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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Finding out >> Finding out

Finding out

 

Most of the people we talked to had learnt of the death from the police, and most found the police helpful and courteous. Usually people received this news at home, but one man found out about his sister’s death when he went to the police station because she was missing. Some people were expecting to hear bad news by the time the police arrived at the house. Others were utterly shocked (see ‘First Reactions’). 

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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Barbara - Interview 23 >> A young policeman made what Barbara thought was an ill-judged remark about her son (Matt)’s driving when he came to tell them that Matt had died.

Barbara & Colin’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> Alex and Felicity received the news that Alice had died in the middle of the night. The police handled the situation with great sensitivity.

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Margaret - Interview 40 >> Two policemen arrived at the house and told Margaret that her daughter had died. She was so shocked that she found it hard to understand what they wer

Margaret’s daughter was in prison when she took her own life. Margaret was shocked by the news. The inquest found that there had been a lack of care while her daughter was in prison. Margaret found support from her dog, friends, SOBS & a counsellor.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Patricia - Interview 4 >> When Patricia heard the news of Andrew’s death she wished a second police officer, perhaps a woman, had been there to offer her some human contact.

Patricia’s husband, Andrew, had had depression for years. A number of times he had taken an overdose or tried to gas himself and then sought help. In 1994 he died in a car, due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Patricia found support via Cruse & SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> The police arrived at the house and told Kate that Anna had died. Kate’s other daughter, Izzy, had died by suicide only months earlier, so this was pa

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a parent >> Mike - Interview 9 >> When Mike was only 18 a young and inexperienced policeman arrived at the house and told him and his sister that their father had died.

In 1972, when Mike was aged 18, his father took his own life. He died in his car by inhaling fumes from the exhaust. His death has had a huge impact on Mike’s life. Mike has done much to help others bereaved due to suicide, which has also helped him.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Marion - Interview 32 >> A policeman told Marion her husband was dead but he did not offer enough help. She felt that he was treating Graham like “a bit of paperwork”.

Marion’s husband took his own life in 1996. He had taken alcohol and analgesics and died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Marion and their four children were shocked and devastated. They found support from SOBS, professional counselling and Noah’s Ark.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Dolores - Interview 29 >> Dolores had not been told how serious her husband’s injuries were before she arrived at the hospital, and she had to wait sometime before staff treati

Dolores’ husband, Steve, developed mental health problems soon after their baby was born. He fell from a bridge in 2005 and died soon afterwards. Dolores felt distraught and very sad. She has found help though a psychologist, and SOBS, and web sites.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Susan - Interview 20 >> Susan found Rose a few moments after she had shot herself. Rose was in the house upstairs when she took her own life.

In 2005, Susan’s daughter, Rose, took her own life. She shot herself. Rose had had anorexia and then depression, and was later thought to have bipolar disorder. Susan feels angry because she believes that NHS psychiatric services were inadequate.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Kate - Interview 7 >> Kate and her daughter Jenny found Izzy’s body. She had hanged herself. Kate thought that Izzy had been dead for a few days.

Kate’s life has been devastated by the deaths of two of her daughters. They took their own lives by hanging, in 2006 & 2007. Kate has had support from family, friends and the church and says that answering emails from members of POS has also helped.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Jacqui - Interview 30 >> Jacqui found a note on the dining room table before she found her husband’s body. Then she found him hanging. She found it hard to believe he was dead

Jacqui’s husband, Mike, had had mental health problems for some time. In 2006 Jacqui came home to find that Mike had died by suicide. He had hung himself. Jacqui has had counselling and has started her own email support group, Widowed by Suicide Support.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a friend >> Ann - Interview 10 >> Ann’s friend was missing for a month before her body was found. This gave Ann time to adjust to the idea that she might not see her friend again.

Ann’s friend died in 2003. It appears that her friend died from an overdose and exposure. Ann has found support through her faith in God, from counselling & from her GP. She has set up a support group for others, linked to SOBS. She finds this comforting.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Lucy - Interview 38 >> At first Lucy thought her partner’s death had been an accident, but about a week later she found a message on her computer suggesting that Darrell had

Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.

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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Bereavement due to suicide

Publication date: 28^th October 2008          Last updated: October 2010

Review date: October 2012

 

We interviewed 40 people bereaved by suicide. Some had been bereaved recently, others years ago. To find out about their experiences and the issues that affected them and where people found help, click on the links below.