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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Barbara - Interview 23 >> Matt's note said he couldn’t live up to his own high standards, that he loved all the family and that his death would relieve him of a great burden.

Barbara & Colin’s son, Matt, found his first job as a junior doctor very stressful. In 1992 Matt was found dead in a crashed car; probably due to suicide. He was aged 24. Colin & Barbara were devastated.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stephen - Interview 31 >> Stephen appreciated help with practical matters. His brother acted as his secretary, and friends came round with food for him and his daughters.

In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Jasvinder - Interview 18 >> Jasvinder understands feelings of depression and guilt about losing a member of a South Asian family to suicide, and says it’s important not to blame

Jasvinder’s sister, Robina, died in 1987 from burns. She had an unhappy marriage and told her husband she was going to take her own life. Jasvinder has kept her sister’s memory alive by setting up Karma Nirvana, a project that advocates for Asian people.

• Condition
• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Bereavement due to suicide

Publication date: 28^th October 2008          Last updated: October 2010

Review date: October 2012

 

We interviewed 40 people bereaved by suicide. Some had been bereaved recently, others years ago. To find out about their experiences and the issues that affected them and where people found help, click on the links below.

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• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Family dynamics >> Family dynamics

Family dynamics

 

Bereavement by suicide is likely to affect the entire family, but the impact will vary according to many factors, such as the stage in the family life cycle that the family has reached, the position the dead person held in the family, the role played by the person before he or she died, what family members believe about suicide, and how well the family was functioning before the suicide happened.

 

Some of the people we talked to realised that a suicide in the family might break a marriage or tear the family apart, but they were determined not to let this happen. Barbara recalled that when her son died her other son said, “We’re not going to let this destroy us, Mum”. Bob and Lynda also made a conscious decision not to let their son’s death destroy their marriage. Some people said that a suicide in the family had brought other members of the family closer together. A spouse may be the only person who understands what is upsetting and so may be sensitive and understanding in a way that others cannot manage or achieve.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Lucy - Interview 38 >> The police arranged for a press officer to take a statement about Darrell and the way he died so that Lucy and the family would be left alone to griev

Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> Alex and Felicity realised that a death by suicide in the family might weaken family bonds. Alex says he is delighted by the family solidarity after A

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Bob - Interview 17 >> After their son died Bob and Lynda decided to support each other in their grief. They were determined not to let his suicide tear them apart.

In 1998 Bob’s son, Darren, died while on holiday in France. He died by hanging and the French police were sure it was suicide. Bob and his wife were shocked. They have found support via Compassionate Friends, SOBS and the internet group Parents of Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a brother or sister >> Nina - Interview 11 >> Family members supported each other and ‘just gelled together’ when Joe was dying in hospital.

In 1999, Nina was shocked to hear that her brother, Joe, was in intensive care. He was aged 16. He had been found unconscious, hanging from a tree. He died three days later. Nina has found most support from friends, family, counsellors and SOBS.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Lucy - Interview 38 >> The families had disagreements before Darrell died but his death made people stop and conclude that nothing was to be gained from arguing.

Lucy’s partner, Darrell, committed suicide in 2005. He drove his car in front of a train. He had been depressed but his suicide was a complete shock to Lucy. She has found support through family and friends and via an online group, Widowed by Suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Dave - Interview 34 >> Dave’s relationship with his surviving son was great but not ‘easy’. It was no longer a ‘thoughtless relationship.’ Dave has to think carefully before

Dave’s son, Ben, was aged 21 when he developed mental health problems. In 2003 Ben took his own life by crashing his car. Dave was devastated. He has found some help for his grief by seeing a psychiatrist and by going to Compassionate Friends.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Susan - Interview 8 >> Susan and her husband still find it hard to talk about Barry and Stephen. Susan says that she understands why some marriages break up after someone in

Two of Susan’s sons have taken their own lives by hanging. Barry died in 1995 and Stephen died in April 2006. Susan has had support from various sources. She is still grieving but feels she must “move on” for the sake of her other children.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> After Alice died Alex did not seek counselling. He spent time talking to close friends rather than looking for external support. He also supported oth

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Maurice - Interview 14 >> After Tom died Maurice and Jane supported each other. Maurice found he could talk to colleagues at work about what had happened. He did not want forma

In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stephen - Interview 31 >> Family and friends offered tremendous support after Stephen’s wife died. He found it helped to talk about what had happened. He was relieved he could

In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Brenda - Interview 12 >> Friends were a great support to Brenda after her son died in intensive care. A friend also helped her husband. They did not want professional counsell

In 2005 Brenda’s 21-year-old son sadly died in ICU. He had been depressed for some time and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now Brenda focuses as much as she can on remembering the good memories they all shared as a family.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Informal support - Family and friends >> Informal support - Family and friends

Informal support - Family and friends

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Alex - Interview 3 >> After Alice died Alex did not seek counselling. He spent time talking to close friends rather than looking for external support. He also supported oth

Felicity and Alex had a daughter, Alice, who diagnosed with depression and then bipolar disorder. In 2004, aged 22, she killed herself. Alex felt that the role he took supporting others helped him to cope with the “fearful shock” of her suicide.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Brenda - Interview 12 >> Friends were a great support to Brenda after her son died in intensive care. A friend also helped her husband. They did not want professional counsell

In 2005 Brenda’s 21-year-old son sadly died in ICU. He had been depressed for some time and had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now Brenda focuses as much as she can on remembering the good memories they all shared as a family.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a child >> Maurice - Interview 14 >> After Tom died Maurice and Jane supported each other. Maurice found he could talk to colleagues at work about what had happened. He did not want forma

In 1984 Maurice and Jane’s son Tom took his own life by hanging. Jane and Maurice were shocked and devastated. Maurice found most support from friends and colleagues. The local vicar has also been helpful.

• Dying & bereavement >> Bereavement due to suicide >> Lost a partner, husband or wife >> Stephen - Interview 31 >> Family and friends offered tremendous support after Stephen’s wife died. He found it helped to talk about what had happened. He was relieved he could

In June 2006 Stephen returned home to find his wife, Gill, hanging in the hallway. She had been diagnosed with severe depression. Stephen found help from family, friends & Cruse. His daughters have been helped by the Charity, See Saw.