I would say I have got deformities of the feet but you cover your feet up with shoes and your clothes, so people don't tend see them and in my ankles I won't wear skirts anymore. I will not wear dresses or skirts 'cos my ankles are very swollen, they're thick they've, I've got scars on them so I wear trousers, so it's not a problem with that.
But my hands, your hands you can't hide, hands are always very focal and I tend to use my hands quite a lot when I'm talking, when I'm training. And I've become very aware of they're deformity and, and so much so, I won't wear rings. I have lots of beautiful rings. I won't wear my wedding ring. I won't wear anything on my hands which brings it to people's attention. I'll even wear t-shirts with long arms just to cover up the knuckles, so I just have the tips pointing through. So and I hate it if I ever catch a sight of my hands in a mirror, I often do it when I'm driving, you might catch it in the wing mirror or something, I just I hate it. So unfortunately that's something I have to, to deal with, it's just made them very ugly.
And what brought you're attention to that?
It was a, unfortunately it was, it was actually a visit to a hospital, when I was I was going to a clinic and the nurse in question was walking a bit fast and I asked her, 'would she mind to slow down because I had rheumatoid arthritis and she said, 'I know you've got rheumatoid arthritis I can tell from your hands.' And up until that time, I wasn't really aware of it. I wasn't aware because I think if you look down at your hands, you don't see necessarily what the mirror shows or what other people see. And it was only then that I, as soon as I got home, I looked at my hands and I thought, yes, they are.
And it, it was one the almost aware things, well if she sees them then everybody sees them and everybody's aware and everybody must be looking at you, thinking, 'oh what's wrong with her, she got, her hands are all deformed.' So unfortunately, since then I try to hide them as much as possible, which isn't that easy really because they're hands. |
