Harriet's wish list
Harriet (AU42) has written a list of things she wishes other people would do or not do.
- People to say what they mean and direct questions and not to say untrue things or nasty things behind people's backs.
- To do what they say they will do and not forget or think it does not matter.
- To not pacify but to acknowledge that the feelings are real for the person - for example,- child shouting in anger - to say (and mean it) to the child "I understand you are angry and I see that it is taking you away from Y and it is not as you want but X has to be done". Instead of this great frightening object (person) coming at you and drowning you with sound and instructions and confusion.
- To accept we like doing things how we do and not to criticise and say we are bad but to accept the invitation we sometimes give to be part of our world, seeing beauty in natural things like the touch of a raindrop or watching it run down a window. In the rainy weather have you really looked at the clouds and seen the different colours they contain and the way they move layer over layer. And how objects against them look so different (especially seagulls).
- I would like people to listen to each other (not just me) and see the person inside and accept each other for how they are, not what they wish them to be. I try hard to accept people for their operating system and to remember they do not react in a way I would like to some times (like computers) so I do not ask them these things so they do not have to worry. But I wish they would do the same for me.
- I wish the rules were clear and written down for when I can say no and how much I am meant to do to be good - sometimes often I am confused because I seem to do a lot of work but there is still more and I'm never sure if it is right or good enough.
- To understand that if I do not say hello in a shop I might not have seen you, even if you are next to m, because I only know your shape in the usual place - family included - and if I do see your shape, I will not know your rule for what I am supposed to do (talk/not talk and what to say). I am not being unkind, I am just concentrating on being where I am and the kindest thing they could do, if I seem ok, is to leave me be so my list of rules do not get broken and I get lost.
- There is no good from people going over and over things verbally with me because it merges into noise and it all gets lost, but if they spent the talking time just writing it out in bullet points (instructions) then it would be so much better. When I get confused I could re-read again and again to stay safe.
- Do not be ambiguous and be clear exactly what you mean because I will ask for clarification every time so I am sure it is what you want and maybe several times so I can see the steps in my head and make security from them. (Sometimes the meaning I get from what has been said has not been considered by the speaker and it confuses them as to what they really mean and that confuses me even more as I then have little confidence in what I am doing.
- Accept I will never look at you when talking and often shut my eyes because I need to catch the thoughts and find the words - your face scares me - I rarely look in the mirror neck up because I do not know what looks back.
- Accept I move and feel and think differently but I am not stupid. I can show you beauty and peace and make you smile. I can do things differently and find answers that make life easier.